Week Se7en Picks

Not sure if I've introduced my readers to Lauren London or not, but let me be the first to say if you're against a little dip in the chocolate, you're an idiot.  Do yourself a favor and watch ATL, that was enough for me.  Plus the soundtrack is sick if you have a good setup going with your flatscreen.  I apologize if the only guy wanting to do this has a 20 year old black and white set with rabbit ears.  "My bad".

Okay boys and girls, I'll preface this by saying I didn't have a good feeling before I even looked at the games, so if you're following my picks intently, I tell you again to do it of your own accord, cuz my bringing lawyers into the equation only takes more of your money, and I'll eventually take your wife, and you don't want that.  Well, I may not want that, depending on who we're talking about.  Either way, they don't love me...they just love my Jokerstyle.

But hey, maybe this bad feeling will lead to a lot of green by Sunday, who knows.  I haven't done too shabby so far (up 130%):

Kates through Week 6:

5 Beckinsales - 5-3
4 Beckinsales - 9-5
3 Beckinsales - 6-5
 2 Beckinsales - 7-8
1 Beckinsales - 4-6

Joker/Walter Challenge as of Week 6:

Joker - 13-7
Walter - 11-9

And now for the really really good or bad picks of Week Seven (challenge picks in blue):

***1 Beckinsale***  Iowa -5.5 INDIANA - As I said last week, Indiana is back to being Indiana again.  That's right, irrelevant.  Something a close rival of ours is quickly approaching as well, but I digress.  Different subject for a different day.  Start spreading the news...
WIN

***1 Beck***  KENTUCKY -even- South Carolina - This game could go either way, but I called the Cocks winning last week as an underdog, and now they'll lose this week when everyone wants to bet on them again.  Plus if Kentucky feels like it, they can ball.  With the refs' help, of course.
LOSS

***2 Kates***  Temple +8 CENTRAL MICHIGAN - I know CMU has Dan LeWhatever, but Temple is quietly becoming decent.  Well, decent in the sense that they're not everyone's punching bag anymore.  Syracuse has taken that job.
LOSS

***2 K-Becks*** OREGON -17.5 Ucla - I know it's a big line for an interconference game, but UCLA blows ass and Oregon is pissed about getting blown out (which I called but never published, a-thank you).  Oregon is a really good team, the oddsmakers weren't really sure where to go with this line, so take advantage.  In Autzen stadium, UCLA won't know right from left.
LOSS

***2 Beckinsales***  BALL STATE -16 Western Kentucky - The Cardinals are good.  The Hilltoppers are not.  Think that'll do.
WIN

***3 Becks***  Utah -23 WYOMING - Utah seems to be the forgotten good team in the Mountain West, so they're just gonna quietly go about their business on Wyoming's ass like they've done to everyone else.  The sketchy part here is that the Utes let people score, but can the Cowboys do enough to break the spread?  I'm saying no.
WIN

***3 Kates***  CINCINNATI -7.5 Rutgers - I really like betting on Cincy.  They just give me a good feeling.  Rutgers, on the other hand, has fallen into the toilet and they're crying for someone to help them out.  It won't be this season.  Go Bearcats.  And go Mike Mickens.
LOSS - Yep.  "Feel" bad picks and you'll make bad picks.

***4 Kate Beckinsales***  OKLAHOMA -6 (bought point) Texas - I picked OU and UF to hit the championship this year.  While technically the Gators are still in it, I think the Sooners roll over everyone in their way, including Colt "I like to run now!" McCoy.  Watch Colt's passing percentage drop like the stock exchange while Boomer Sooner shows them what men look like.
LOSS - Ain't sweating this one.  OU had it in the bag, but anything and everything happened in this game and it was fun to watch, at least.

***4 Beckinsales***  BYU -23 New Mexico - I'm riding the Mormons until they fail me.  In 2008, always bet on Joseph Smith, know what I'm sayin?  Besides, they helped coin my angry phrase---"Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, would you learn how to throw the ball?!?!"  A cookie to whoever knows who I'm talking about.
LOSS

***4 Kate Beckinsales***  Kansas State -3 TEXAS A&M - This one confuses me, but I'm shoving the fear out of my mind and putting heavy green on the Wildcats.  The Aggies SUCK this year.  Mike Sherman was average in Green Bay, and all he's gonna be is average at College Station.  Right now, he's below average, and I want to take advantage of that.  K State gives up a ton of yards, but I feel like this is their game to get back on track.
WIN

***5 Beckers***  GEORGIA -12 Tennessee - Look.  Fulmer is slowly losing his job, Eric Berry is slowly losing his mind being the only guy that shows up, the Dawgs are mad at Alabama, they've had two weeks to prepare, they finally realize the color of jerseys doesn't fucking matter, and Crompton will have no idea how to handle their defense.  I don't see how the Vols handle a mad, fast, vengeful Bulldog team, at home, that still wants a piece of the MNC.  Risky 5 star game, but hey...THATS HOW I ROLL.
PUSH - Challenge rules dictate that pushes are indeed wins, although unfortunately sportsbook does not feel the same way.

Comments

[Nick Weezy]

You say that you are going to ride the Mormons until they fail you? Did you forget five days ago when they failed against Utah St? In fact they are only 2-2 ATS this year.

[Joker]

Actually, I meant I was going to literally ride them until they failed me, considering I can rack up on wives and it's totally cool with everyone.

I should have been more detailed---I'm going to ride the Mormons until they fail me...on the weeks I bet with them.

Better?

Half of this stuff is filler, so don't take it so seriously, Nick.

[Nick Weezy]

I gotcha, I just thought that perhaps you didn't know that they had failed to cover very recently. I should have known that it was more typing for the sake of typing than actually providing any substance. My apologies.

[Joker]

You know the one good thing about internet tough guys like you? While you're busy on the computer trying to joke, I'm banging your mom upstairs.

You want substance? Starting out with $1000 this year and currently sitting on $2300 because of these picks.

Don't bother replying cuz I'll just delete the response. Sucks, huh.

[blue]

helllooooo - just waiting for some editorial sarcasm from you on our lovely neighbors down south. like the dismissal of a coach mid-season, the fact that our fans and team took years of shizzle from them and we're not even hosing those guys now. we are just happy that it's not us, AGAIN. in fact, we're simply grateful to have wins & a coach that walks the walk....

[Joker]

It all stems from emotion---I rarely get mad, so I rarely talk shit about Auburn. I've also found that the less trash talking you do, the more karma backs you. At least that's the case in fantasy baseball (4 in a row, bitches!).

But you nailed it anyway. The fact that's it's not US again is enough for me. Auburn fans have NO idea what we went through the last 10 or so years, and to hear them say "You don't know what it's like to not know what your QB is going to do each game" is simply laughable. They've been spoiled while we're down, now it's time to face reality. And a slug to the face from Nick Saban.

I'm sure I'll have more to say around Iron Bowl time, but for now, call me Zippy Longstocking.

[Chris Hines]

Hey Joker...just wondering...do you do NFL at all or just NCAA and Nick's mom?

[Joker]

Zing! Very nice, Mr. Hines.

Actually, this year is a down year for me in regards to passion for the NFL. I only have one random measly fantasy team, and it's a boring public league.

I do realize, in theory, NFL picks are easier to predict, but for this year at least, I'm sticking to college. Maybe Wally and I can start an NFL challenge next year.

[Chris Hines]

that'd be cool...i'm using his NFL picks and a couple of other sites...they seem to be doing better than his college ones...the big loss last week didn't help him that's for sure.

Do you bet ALL of your picks according to the units you specify including the others outside of the Top 5?
Also, you use increments of $100 I'm assuming for each unit??

[Joker]

Yeah, Walter is a damn 100% logical stat-runner when he bets, which is good for the NFL. I'm still unsure if I'll do that or not.

I do bet all of my picks, yes. Sometimes I parlay my top 3 or 4 to catch a big win. Parlaying anything more than 4 teams is wasted cash IMO.

As for Beckinsales (how dare you suggest they be units!?!), I just count how many I have lined up for the week and divide them into the amount of cash I have. I think it was $75 per Kate for this week. If I have a bomb week (in the negative sense), each Kate will be less for the next week, and vice versa.

[blue]

dearest brother,
not wanting you to go off on AU, we're far too classy a family & fan for that wallaboo. just wanted some sarcastic wit to help our friends down south cope with a situation we are (were?) all too familiar with...
by the way, a witty AU blogger contacted me on twitter with his site, i'm passing yours along to him (her?)... http://www.warblogle.com/

[joker's sidekick]

hey joker, thanks for this entertaining site, I have follow your site and walter's since last year and i love it. I hope you have a better week next week, cuz this week was bad, but i know you going to come back strong next week, somthing like going 5-0. gl joker

[Joker]

Thanks man. Yeah, I blew goats this week, but I warned folks I didn't have a good feeling. Such is life.