Week 11 Perfect Picks

This week I'm going to entertain you with pics and picks all up and down this page.  Why?  Cuz you deserve it, you motorboatin' sonuvabitch, you!

As for the title, that's right, you heard me.  PERFECT picks.  Every damn one of these will be correct, and you can advance to Go!, collect a lot more than $200, and be sure to send 10% to me.  By the way, I'm always the guy on the horse and I always get Marvin Gardens, so be Mr. Original, take your gay car and Boardwalk, and I'll still beat you.

Kates through Week 10:

5 Beckinsales - 8-6-1
4 Beckinsales - 15-9
3 Beckinsales - 9-15
 2 Beckinsales - 14-15
1 Beckinsales - 7-10

The balance of power has once again shifted!  Joker/Walter Challenge as of Week 10:

Joker - 23-16-1
Walter - 22-18

***1 Beckinsale - RUTGERS -14.5 Syracuse - Whoop-tee-doo, Syracuse beat Louisville.  Let's not all hurt ourselves clamoring to name them world-beaters.  They still suck, and somewhere along the way Greg Schiano got his guys playing better ball.  Don't buy into the orange hype.  If you need further proof, take a look at Auburn.  Or Clemson.  Or Tennessee.
WIN

***2 Beckinsales -Georgia -10.5 KENTUCKY - If the Florida raping hadn't happened last week, I wouldn't take this line.  But, if these 18-22 year old kids have any pride whatsoever, they'll take the Cats to the woodshed.  And hopefully beat them considerably instead of play gabby grabass.
LOSS

***2 Beckinsales - Kansas State +27 Missouri - Not sure why this line is so high.  I guess the oddsmakers assume the Tigers will decide to play defense this week.  I'm rooting against it.  Not to mention the Wildcats have an NFL prospect slinging it better each week.
WIN

***2 Beckinsales - Michigan +7.5 MINNESOTA - I can see a lot of people going the other way on this, but they fail to see that Minny's Big Ten wins have not been very convincing---damn near lucky at times.  Northwestern said "bitch what?!", and now it's Michigan's turn.  I'm tempted to say the Wolverines leave town with a victory.
WIN

***3 Beckinsales - Texas Christian -2 UTAH - I don't like Utah's style of play.  This may be a determining factor in taking this game at 3 Kates, but as I always tend to harp on, there's just peace of mind when betting on a team with a great defense.  The Horned Frogs are gunning for their piece of the BCS pie, their one loss be damned.
LOSS

***3 Beckinsales - TENNESSEE -27 Wyoming - Okay, it's evident the players wanted Coach Fulmer to end of his own accord, they feel like the Volunteers are a team, a band, a brotherhood, and now finally---a shitty team they can beat up on will come to town.  Hell, UT's defense/special teams will score 14, so if the offense matches that, the spread will be covered, cuz I really don't see Wyoming spending much time in opponent territory.
LOSS

***3 Beckinsales - Hawaii -3.5 NEW MEXICO STATE - This is a battle of "crappy but should be decent" vs simply "crappy".  I'm sooo taking the crappy but should be decent team.  Sure the Aggies are 11th in passing offense, but they only have 16 TDs.  That means they are throwing the ball around trying to catch up to their opponents, not to mention their 117th rush ranking isn't helping matters.  If Hawaii shows up and acts like it's a football game, they'll win handily.
WIN

***4 Beckinsales - Ohio State -11 NORTHWESTERN - Congrats to Northwestern for beating Minnesota, as if that means a DAMN THING.  In case you've forgotten, you lost your best player in Tyrell Sutton for the rest of the season, and now the big bad bully comes to town to steal your candy and show you the realities of life.  OSU is THE quality program up north, and they get shit done; I think the line is set as it is to lure in the folks who hear the hype coming out of Minny.  Don't fall for it.
WIN

***4 Beckinsales - BYU -36.5 San Diego State - Oh lordy, here goes Joker with another BYU pick.  Hey, yes I may have been hit or miss with them all year, but dammit, I'm a glutton for punishment.  Not to mention the Aztecs are EVEN WORSE running the ball than the aforementioned Aggies, and to top it off---they are LAST IN THE NATION in rush defense, giving up almost 300 yds each game.  BYU is pass-first, but they'll be smiling this game.  I'm banking on that #8 passing offense getting their shit together at home and blowing out this team like they did to teams earlier in the season.  I mean COME ON, Wyoming beat SDSU!!  Like a rented mule!
LOSS

***4 Beckinsales - Arizona State -14.5 WASHINGTON - Might as well beat up on your opponents while they're down.  Hey, it makes you look better.  It's like impressing a girl with your right hook---kinda stupid, but deep down inside, she knows it worked.  Meaningful stat: U-Dub is 1-7 ATS this season.
WIN

***5 Beckinsales - Oklahoma -27 TEXAS A&M - First off, let me state that this may be one of the best pictures ever taken in the history of the world.  That said, the Sooners are one of the teams on the outside looking in, and they're pissed.  They know they could have beaten Texas, but they blew it.  They want another chance.  They're going to blow out their opponents from here on out in the hopes of inching closer to the BCS title game, and this week the Aggies need more than the 12th Man to help them cover this spread.  This one could get ugly.  Kinda like the pic shows.  Don't act like that can't happen again.
WIN

***5 Beckinsales - Arizona -41 Washington State - I have a feeling the oddsmakers just don't know how to score these lines.  They probably feel like anything around 40 is pushing it, so they plopped a 1 on the end and hope people bet on the Cougars out of pity.  No chance.  This isn't a team that can "get up" for particular opponents.  They're just lousy.  They are a bad team.  Poorly coached, poor players, poor atmosphere, and even their big brother Washington has caught a case of the poor-mes.  Hell, even their dad up in Seattle sucks balls.  What the hell is happening in Starbucksland?  I'm just gonna keep betting against Wazu until they show me they can put up any semblance of a fight.  Arizona's legit defense is the soothing factor.
LOSS

So that's what's for dinner this week.  I'll leave you with one last picture.  Do I condone this behavior?  No.  Do I laugh my ass off?  Yes.  If this picture bothers you, do I wish you were the chick in the picture?  Yes.  Have a good week, ladies and germs.

Comments

[Chris Hines]

Those girls are too young for me but I can't stop looking!!!

[Joker]

Too young for me as well, old man. Ain't nuthin wrong with lookin.

I'll try to get age-appropriate women next post. Octogenarians, anyone??

[Chris Hines]

Centenarians!!!

[Matt Markham]

it's time to start drinking this koolaid.

[Joker]

Agreed. Koolaid is good. What's everybody's favorite flavor? "Red".

So Matt, are you on the Bama bandwagon, are my picks satisfactory, or is it the females?

[Matt Markham]

i've been on the bandwagon since i was a tot. i like the picks, but love the ladies!! did you get the picture??