I'm returning back to the original gangsta of this site, Kate Beckinsale. If I'm to right this ship, she's the one to help me. Even in this picture she sees me from across the room and thinks dirty thoughts. Hell, I can't blame her. I look pretty hot in my fitted plumbing uniform.
I gotta admit, last week was not my best week. Got maybe three picks correct, which means I'll get even less this week I'll rack up this week like Bama's rush yards on Auburn. I'm only doing lucky number 5 picks this week, as many teams are done with their shitty seasons and only a select few are worthy enough to keep playing. Not to mention, it'll cut down on all the red I have bleeding from the page once Saturday's losses wind down... *facepalm* I'm still up for the year, so all this self-deprication is my way of playing reverse psychology on the gambling gods. Hopefully they fall for it.
Kates through Week 14:
5 Beckinsales - 10-10-1
4 Beckinsales - 22-12
3 Beckinsales - 14-22-1
2 Beckinsales - 19-24
1 Beckinsales - 12-14
Joker/Walter Challenge as of Week 14:
Walter - 35-25
Joker - 32-26-2
***5 Beckinsales*** BALL STATE -14.5 Buffalo -
Everyone keeps waiting for the Cardinals to waver in a game and then
fall off the map completely. Have you stopped to watch them? They
look good, really good. Nate Davis has a gun, although be wary
watching the telecast cuz the announcers will be so far up his ass, "in two weeks you'd have a diamond".
Seriously though, Buffalo ain't gonna derail them, so I guess they'll
just be another weak conference winner who gets absolutely no shot at
the championship whatsoever. Say, I wonder if anyone thinks the BCS
system may have some flaws?
LOSS - REALLY?! REALLLLLY?! FOUR fumbles????? Two when BSU is about to score, ran back the ENTIRE way for Buffalo? MOTHER FUCKER it's like they read this site and purposely prison rape me financially. GOD HAVE MERCY end this damn season now. Go listen to Walter, cuz Joker needs to be locked in the asylum right about now. While I'm at it, PLAY SOME DIFFERENT FUCKING COMMERCIALS. IT'S CALLED VARIETY, WE FUCKING KNOW YOU HAD NO IDEA YOUR GOLD JEWELRY WAS WORTH SO MUCH MONEY, YOU DAMNED OLD LADY BY A LAKE. GO GRAB SOME ROGAINE AND COLLECT YOUR ROYALTIES FOR THE UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES ESPN PLAYS CASH FOR FUCKING GOLD ADS.
***2 Beckinsales*** Pittsburgh +3 UCONN - It's always a risky venture betting on Pittsburgh, especially considering alumnus Mark May makes you want to vomit in your mouth and swallow continuously, but hey! You don't make money if you don't bet money, am I right? AM I RIGHT? Now, a couple facts to back my bet---UConn pretty much has one player, tailback Donald Brown. He's #1 in the nation in yards per game, but Pittsburgh can handle rushing onslaughts, winning against West Virginia, Navy, and Iowa. Not to mention, Pitt has one hell of a back themselves, LeSean McCoy, who I personally would draft before any other back in this draft class. McCoy over Brown in this close battle.
WIN - As Clark Griswold once quipped, "HOLY SHIT!! Where's the Tylenol?!" Stat line of the game halfway through the 4th quarter---UConn QB's 4 completions, 5 interceptions. Yikes stripes. Maybe they should play for LSU...
***4 Beckinsales*** Southern Cal -30 UCLA - I think, even though they covered, USC missed a bunch of opportunities against Notre Dame that they can correct before facing the Bruins. I don't care that this is a rivalry, cuz UCLA is horrible this year and with one last attempt at swaying BCS voters, the Trojans dominate in every facet of the game and put up 50+.
LOSS - Sigh. I don't like this game anymore.
***1 Beckinsale*** Cincinnati -7 (buy 1/2 point) HAWAII - The Bearcats are a better team; will they show up to play in fabulous Hawaii, or will all the pork and pineapple stick in their tummies and weigh them down? They are a better rushing and passing offense, they have a much better rush defense, and they're about the same in pass defense. Add Mike Mickens to the equation, so Cincy wins in all categories. Is that enough to cover one touchdown? I have faith in my DBs, so I say yes.
***3 Beckinsales*** Alabama +9.5 Florida - The line actually rose from 8.5, which surprises me. There are obvious probabilities that the Gators can stick it to us and win by 20. But I've watched this Bama team all year, and we're going to smash mouth Florida, pushing and pulling the entire game until each player leaves with gator shoes or a handbag for their girlfriends. I really don't know the outcome of this game, but I do know if we have any surprises in the bag (reverses, flea flickers, JPW actually hitting a target downfield, BJ Scott on offense, etc.), then this is the time to bring em out.
LOSS - Words.
So that's all you get this week, folks. Sadly, even though the climax is upon us, the vast majority of college football fans feel the end is all but here. Damn these seasons go fast. Go read my last article in case you didn't see it, or if you're bored, go sign up for the football sim Goal Line Blitz. Apparently a good amount of my readers like it, but as I warned you before, it's like crack. And drugs are bad, mmkay? Seriously, put the pipe down.
Clara Morgane to end with a bang:
Recent Comments