The Joker Report

Notable Juniors Declaring for the Draft (Updated)

No, this is not just an excuse to post a picture of Kristin Cavallari looking ridiculously hot in a bikini.  Nor is it my public outing that I did indeed watched Laguna Beach and I haven't missed an episode of The Hills yet.  I'm comfortable with my sexuality enough to say that, cuz you know why?  LOOK AT THE PICTURE AGAIN.  Ok then. 

Now, on to business.  Thanks to KFAN sports radio's site for this list of notable juniors who, for now, are leaving the college ranks:

Indiana WR James Hardy

Florida TE Cornelius Ingram

Miami (FL) DE Calais Campbell

Syracuse WR Taj Smith

Florida DE Derrick Harvey

Maryland LB Erin Henderson(E.J.s Brother)

Texas RB Jamaal Charles

Boise State OT Ryan Clady

Miami FS Kenny Phillips

Louisville WR Mario Urrutia

West Viginia DE Johnny Dingle

Virginia OG Branden Albert

Middle Tennessee OT Franklin Dunbar

Texas A&M TE Martellus Bennett

Central Florida RB Kevin Smith

Hawaii WR Davone Bess .

Illinois RB Rashard Mendenhall

Virginia Tech CB Brandon Flowers

Kansas OT Anthony Collins

Kansas CB Aqib Talib

Wisconsin DB Jack Ikegwuonu

Texas TE Jermichael Finley

Looks like I'll have to update my first round mock.  Starting with Al Davis going after Run DMC, by God.  I feel it in my BONES!!  That old geezer is whispering pig sooooey!! in his sleep as I type this...

1/9/08 - Add James Davis to the list.  Apparently he got nervous when Bama scheduled Clemson for the first game next year :D

Geno Hayes LB FSU

Jerod Mayo LB Tennessee

1/10/08 - Earl Bennett WR Vanderbilt

1/11/08 - Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma

1/12/08 - Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon

Darren McFadden (like Bama losing a big lead, big surprise.)

1/13/08 - Justin King DB Penn State

1/14/08 - Felix Jones RB Arkansas

Mario Manningham WR Michigan

Adrian Arrington WR Michigan

Xavier Lee QB FSU

1/15/08 Reggie Smith CB Oklahoma

DeSean Jackson WR California

Complete Joker Report 2008 NFL Mock Draft

What does Denise Richards have to do with the '08 Draft?  She's hot, that's what.  For whoever has a problem with this picture, I sincerely hope you crack your head open falling down in the shower.  TODAY.  Besides, "ain't nothin' wrong with lookin'."

***UPDATING***   Pardon our mess, but in my quest to give my readers an accurate assessment of this draft, I am currently updating new players, standings, draft position, teams, and team needs.  This could take a while, so be patient.  The end product will be better, believe me.  The unofficial mock draft will remain unchanged.  In the meantime, the old selections will remain up until newly linked on this page.

1. Miami Dolphins - Darren McFadden  (RB - Arkansas)  (agreement to trade McFadden for Dorsey)

2. St. Louis Rams - Jake Long  (OT - Michigan)

3. Oakland Raiders - Glenn Dorsey (DT - LSU) (RB - Arkansas)  (agreement to trade Dorsey for McFadden)

4.  New York Jets - Matt Ryan  (QB - Boston College)

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Sam Baker  (OT/OG - USC)

6. Atlanta Falcons - Andre Woodson  (QB - Kentucky)

7. New England Patriots (via S.F.) - Chris Long  (DE - Virginia)

8. Ravens - Brohm

9. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins  (CB - South Florida)

10. Lions - Clady

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly  (WR - Oklahoma)

12. Cincinnati Bengals - Vernon Gholston  (DE - Ohio State)

13. Eagles (via CHI) - Mendenhall

14. Panthers - Campbell

15. Buffalo Bills - Ali Highsmith  (OLB - LSU)

16. Bears (via PHI) - Hart

17. Minnesota Vikings - Antoine Cason  (CB - Arizona)

18. Texans - Stewart

19. Arizona Cardinals - Derrick Harvey  (DE - Florida)

20. Washington Redskins - Kenny Phillips  (S - Miami)

21. Denver Broncos (via T.B.) - Nic Harris  (S - Oklahoma)

22. Tennessee Titans - DeSean Jackson  (WR - California)

23. Seahawks - Sweed

24. Steelers - Otah

25. New York Giants - Early Doucet  (WR - LSU)

26. Cowboys (via Browns) - Jones

27. San Diego Chargers - Dan Connor  (ILB - Penn State)

28. Jacksonville Jaguars - Keith Rivers  (OLB - USC)

29. 49ers (via IND) - Ellis

30. Green Bay Packers - Aqib Talib  (CB - Kansas)

31. Cowboys - Flowers

32. Patriots - Cheating bastards get forfeited

2008 Mock Draft - #31 Dallas Cowboys

By guest writer El Matteo:

Joker, you forgot to mention how I was excited when my Lions drafted Joey Harrington.  I'm a draft expert, thus the reason you invited me to participate in this here mock draft.  Don't let me off the hook so easily next time.  As far as Peyton, obviously he's good.  I just haven't forgiven him for leading the UT band after he beat Bama down.  It's hard to let that go.  I do give him mad props for his SNL hosting job and for this great commercial:

Moving on, finally, I get a team with some cheerleaders.  With the first Dallas selection, Joker did well with Minillo and Simpson.  Time to discuss the world famous Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.  I also have to redeem myself for the Eli photos.  I'll give it the ol' college try.

Here are the girls:  clickage

Joker, as a belated Xmas gift, I give you Michelle.  Top left corner, second one, brunette next to the blonde.  Merry Xmas, dude.
(Editor's note---none of them fit my bill, float my boat, or tighten my pants...but you can tell they are collectively a vastly better-looking group than what we've been dealing with lately.)

Third row, far right, best name of them all.  Starr Spangler.  That's just fantastic naming right there.  Let's give Mr. and Mrs. Spangler a round of applause. 

There's also a Megan Fox, but unfortunately, it isn't THE Megan Fox.

Before I move on to the draft, I leave you one final gift.  The gift of former Cowboy cheerleader and Tony Soprano fling, Sarah Shahi. 

Who loves ya, baby? 

I think Joker covered the Cowboys needs fairly well, so I'm going to be lazy, use his logic and try to fill some more holes. Looking at wide receiver and possibly another defensive back.

Simply because I love the guy's name, I'm going to snag another DB and I'm taking Leodis McKelvin, DB, Troy. 

Demarcus Ware, also from Troy, has worked out well for Dallas, so they're going back to the well one more time.  With McKelvin and Joker's previously drafted Reggie Smith, Dallas' defensive backfield should be well stocked for a few more Super Bowl runs.

Unofficially:

It seems like every other mock draft out there has Dallas getting their hands on Felix Jones. Joker already detailed the running back situation and I think he nailed it.  Jerry Jones is a huge Arkansas guy and I'm sure he'd love to get his hands on Felix.  With two first round picks, he's got some ammunition to make it happen.  Being Jerry Jones has its perks.  I honestly wouldn't be shocked to see him try to turn those picks into Darren McFadden.  The teams at the top need more than one player and Dallas has some nice pieces to tempt them with.  Just keep your eye on it.  With my track record, it won't happen, but it certainly would be a move I pulled in Madden GM mode.

Since McFadden and Jones aren't around, then I'm looking wide receiver.  Manningham would have been nice, but Joker just snagged him. So, I'm going to throw a bone Bama's way and draft D.J. Hall, WR, Alabama.

Jerry Jones seems to like SEC players, and Alabama players.  He had a good run with George Teague and he fell in love with Tony Dixon leading to taking him in the 3rd round (if I recall correctly), which was a lot higher than a lot of us thought Tony would go.  TO is an Alabama native.  Spears and Bradie James are LSU guys.  Jason Witten was UT.  D.J. would just add to Jerry's private collection of talent, and like Joker said, Hall set all the receiving records at Alabama with JPW as his QB.  That really does say something and I hope D.J. makes it. 

That's all from me.  It was fun, Joker.  Thanks for the opportunity to participate, even if some people think I'm just a no-talent man-whore ass-clown.  (Where'd that come from?)  Now it will be fun to see how our picks pan out.

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL (via CLE) - Reggie Smith, CB (Oklahoma)
29. G.B. - Aqib Talib, CB (Kansas)
30. IND - Ray Maualuga, ILB (USC)
31. DAL - Leodis McKelvin, CB (Troy)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL - Mike Hart, RB (Michigan)
29. G.B. - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
30. IND - Mario Manningham, WR (Michigan)
31. DAL - D.J. Hall, WR (Alabama)

Editor's note---Quick rundown, links to each round, and game summary of Alabama/Colorado coming tomorrow.  Yes, finally some college talk.

2008 Mock Draft - #29 Indianapolis Colts

Well, I tried to come up with a joke about how Peyton Manning sucks and how the Colts should look for a new QB, but I couldn't.  Dude's one of the best to ever play the game.  But according to El Matteo, coming out of Tennessee: "I don't think he'll do much at the next level."  Good call, bro.  Good call.  I mean, you could have picked ANYONE else, other than say, LaDainian Tomlinson, and you'd have a closer prediction.  My worst was saying Deuce McAllister probably wouldn't amount to much.  At least he gets injured every now and then to stay out of the limelight.  You picked the next iron man of the NFL once Brett hangs 'em up who already holds the season touchdown record.  Have I made myself clear yet?  Damn you suck.  Maybe reader "Hall" was right----maybe you don't know diddley about football.  Stick to gymnastics or the Lifetime channel or something.

Okay, enough ribbing (that's what she said!).  The initial thing I notice about the Colts is how they struggled the first couple of games without Marvin Harrison.  They've managed to get by that hurdle, for now, but I think it's a pretty big sign that they need to address the wide receiver position in this draft.  Sure they signed Anthony Gonzalez, but I see him becoming a great slot receiver in their future a la Brandon Stokley.  They need another speedy target with hands flanked out wide.  But maybe not with the first pick; let's see what other problems they have.

The O-Line is smart, savvy, and last year they bolstered it by drafting Ugoh to protect PM's back.  Both Addai and Keith prosper with so many teams concentrating on the pass.  Dallas Clark is one of the best pass-catching tight ends in the game.  So let's flip to defense.

Bob Sanders was reported today to have signed a 5 year extension, so he ain't going anywhere (esp considering he is now the highest-paid safety in the game).  He shouldn't, either.  I've never seen a 5'8" player do so much from the safety position in my life...probably because I don't see too many 5'8" safeties, but whatever.  His presence allows both Hayden and Jackson to make plays at corner, though I'm always a fan of bringing in more corners.  And with Tony Dungy playing DB himself, I'm pretty sure he's not opposed to having more talent back there, either, especially if Tim Jennings out of Georgia doesn't pan out over the next year or two.  But they're tops in the league in pass defense, so no need to address this in the first round.

But then you move up a little and you see some aging linebackers and they could still use some presence at tackle.  Stat-wise, they're showing middle-of-the-pack as far as run defense is concerned, and if the Colts want to remain kings of the league, they need to fix this.

Personally, I feel like it's a tossup between DT, LB, and WR, but still in that order relative to importance.  The best value at this pick is at LB, followed by WR, and lastly DT.  So to get your money's worth, I say the Colts step up and select Ray Maualuga, ILB, USC. 

This year he's amassed 75 tackles, 3 sacks, 7.5 tackles for loss, and 3 passes defensed for the Trojans.  He's a junior, and if he came back I'm sure he could tally even better numbers, but when the dollar signs start twinkling, it's hard to say no.  For those who oppose that statement, you tell me you'd turn down millions for another year with your "buds".  Hell no, just more chances to get caught with that coke you can't quit, or to break your ankle in 100 places so you'll never play again.  Give me the millions of dollars, fake furs, and celebrity girlfriends please.

Unofficially, just to mix it up, I'm giving them Mario Manningham.  The kid is legit; we've all seen him.  Additionally, he took Jack Ikegwuono, one of the best junior cornerbacks in the nation, to school when they met up.  3 catches, 113 yards, 2 TDs.  To Jack's credit, he held him to 3 receptions, but...yeah.  Manningham has a similar build to Marvin Harrison, at 6'0 about 185, and he has good speed.  I don't think he's as quick in and out of his breaks as Marvin (who is?), but he'd be a great addition to the Colts's stable of receivers if anything were to happen such as injury, free agency, trade, or retirement.  Not to mention, in the grand scheme of things, if Super Mario foregoes his senior year, grabbing a guy with 26 touchdowns in 3 years is a pretty good "catch" with the 30th pick.  Wow...that pun proves just how old I am.

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL (via CLE) - Reggie Smith, CB (Oklahoma)
29. G.B. - Aqib Talib, CB (Kansas)
30. IND - Ray Maualuga, ILB (USC)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL - Mike Hart, RB (Michigan)
29. G.B. - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
30. IND - Mario Manningham, WR (Michigan)

Dallas Cowboys and El Matteo again on the clock.  This time for the last pick in the round, considering the Patriots CHEAT (Spygate) and have to forfeit the 32nd pick.

P.S.---there's a reason I didn't post the Colts cheerleaders.  GOOOOOSH, and not in a good way.

2008 Mock Draft - #30 Green Bay Packers

By guest writer El Matteo:

Ok, Joker, this cheerleader policy you created sucks.  Ever since you instituted that requirement, it seems we have all the teams who DON'T have cheerleaders. Maybe that should tell us something?  No cheerleaders = more wins?  It certainly seems to fit, although I know the Patriots have cheerleaders because I saw them running around in their little Santa Claus outfits last week and I enjoyed that, so...forget it.  I don't have a point.

Since the Pack doesn't have a cheerleading squad, I propose that they start one up.  Let's see, Green Bay, attractive young girls...ah yes.  The Director of Cheerleader Operations shall be the one and only, Mark Chmura.  Big Chewy knows all about them young girls so I would imagine this quickly becomes one of the more popular NFL cheersquads.  I can't wait to see their calendar.  Man, those parkas and toques are going to make for some very hot photos. 

Since they have no cheerleaders presently, then I'm naming the one, the only, Mrs. Deanna Favre as the #1 Cheerleader!

This woman has survived cancer, Green Bay winters, and the backwoods of Mississippi.  She has steered her husband through an addiction to pain pills and been a wonderful role model for all.  Hell, she even wrote a book about her victory over cancer.  Unlike Shari Shula (who also wrote a book called, "How To Dance Your Way Into Money"), she looks kind of classy and would never be mistaken for a stripper.

So, here's to Deanna Fav-ruh, an inspiration to not only the Packers, but to us all. 

(Editor's note---for those keeping score, I have given you Chargers cheerleaders, Pittsburgh Hooters girls, Jessica Simpson, and Vanessa Minnillo.  El Matteo has given you two pictures of Eli Manning, Mike Shula's wife, and Brett Favre's wife.  I'll let your brains do the rest.)

Moving into the football realm, here are the Pack's present stats: 4th Total O (2nd passing, 26th rushing), 10th Total D (12th passing, 16th rushing).

I could sing the praises of Favre, but I'm not going to.  I think the guy is a bit overrated.  Just because he's been around so long and he's got a cute little Southern charm, everyone touts him like he's the greatest thing ever.  Well, he's not.  He's got one Super Bowl ring, just like Dilfer and Johnson.  Personally, I don't think Favre is one of the Top 5 QB's ever, so I don't get the man crush everyone has on him.  (That's a column for a different day.)  Or maybe I'm still just pissed about him leading Southern Mississippi to a win over my beloved Tide a long, long time ago. 

Anyway, my point is, let's hope that Favre enjoys the heck out of this great run (and it is truly a great story this year, in an NFC devoid of great stories), and finally puts his career to rest.  Let the Packers, the NFL, and John Madden start to move on. 

I say all this because it is difficult drafting for the Packers without knowing Favre's plans.  If he's just having too much fun and he returns, then you need to try to fill a hole in an effort to keep the train rolling.  If he's going to hang it up, then you step back, assess the needs with more of a long term approach, and draft for the future. 

While Aaron Rodgers has started showing some flashes of potential, is Green Bay ready to pass the torch to him?  Or would they maybe be interested in bringing in a young QB, i.e. a Colt Brennan-type?  Are they looking for a long term investment, maybe an OL who won't be ready for a couple of seasons?  What about the running game?  Is Ryan Grant the solution?  (My fantasy team sure did enjoy his late season run.)  Is the Packer running game merely a result of everyone trying to slow down the passing game?  What about the D?  Are they a player away from becoming one of the better NFL defenses?

My guess is that Favre isn't done yet. I say this because I don't think they win the Super Bowl. I think if they do somehow win it, he'll retire on top. I think he'll play again, so we just need to forget about the future and try to get someone who can help them get over the hump.   Again, being in the NFC, one player can be all that is needed to get to the Super Bowl. 

Maybe Ryan Grant is the answer, maybe not, but he's certainly dependable.  Another year and some time to get healthy, and maybe Brandon Jackson finally contributes as a nice complement to Grant. 

No need to draft another QB until Favre moves on and you see if Rodgers is the man or not.  I know it is a different coaching staff, but history tells us that GB back-up QBs actually turn out to have some talent (Hasselbeck, Brooks, somebody else who I can't recall at the moment).  Replacing Favre may not be as impossible as some would have you think.  Although, the alternative argument to that is to look at how long it has taken Miami to find a replacement for Marino, Denver for Elway, Buffalo for Kelly, the Jets for Joe Willie, the Raiders for Jeff George, the Lions for Scott Mitchell, the Ravens for Dilfer, etc. 

Offensively, the Pack is in position to succeed next year, with or without Favre, so addressing some defensive issues would seem to be the safest path. They have a nice young LB crew, with Hawk and Nick "Don't Mess With Me Old Ref" Barnett.  They have two beasts in the middle of the line.  Their DE's have been pretty productive, as well.  Which leaves us to address the secondary. 

I realize that I am treading on thin ice when discussing the Packer secondary. Joker's man-crush lives back there, so I must choose my words carefully.  Atari "Don't Call Me Colecovision" Bigby has shown flashes that he's going to be a player for a long time.  Without looking, I couldn't tell you who the other safeties are for GB.  Snagging a good, young one with this pick wouldn't be a bad idea. 

At corner, Woodson has been rock-solid for the Packers.  I don't have to say anything else there, I'll just reference Joker's previous post RE: Al Harris.  I think it is safe to say that Joker and other experts would agree that drafting a CB isn't a bad idea for GB.

My thoughts are, much like at linebacker and wide receiver, some player's stock will skyrocket during the combine.  There's really no way of predicting who that may be because there's no way to measure heart and determination.  I say that meaning that this would be a great spot for the Packers to pick up one of those fast-risers.  Without knowing who that turns out to be, the best corner on the board appears to be Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas, so that's who I'm taking.

Unofficially, for the reasons I stated when I picked him for Minnesota, I'm taking Antoine Cason, CB, University of Arizona. 

Back to you, Joker...

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL (via CLE) - Reggie Smith, CB (Oklahoma)
29. G.B. - Aqib Talib, CB (Kansas)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL - Mike Hart, RB (Michigan)
29. G.B. - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)

Editor's note---Indianapolis now on the clock.

2008 Mock Draft - #26 Dallas Cowboys

Ahhh ha!  The reason I overlooked the Browns is because they don't have a friggin' first round pick---the Cowboys get their pick in the first round this year.  Damn this confusing draft.  Ok, so everyone think back a couple picks, imagine this is that pick, and that it's Dallas on the clock, not Cleveland.

Soooo, I get to talk about Tony Romo and Terrell Owens and Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.  So in the interest of all things holy, the first thing we need to establish is who's hotter---Jessica or Vanessa?  I'm going to make this fair---first google picture I find of each is their only contribution.  I'll let the readers choose, cuz it ain't easy:

Ahem.  Not bad choices.  Kinda makes you hate Nick Lachey even more than you already did, huh?

*shakes head violently*  Okay, back to football.  QUICKLY!!  Dallas Cowboys, Dallas Cowboys...

Ohhh, ok I'm on it now.  The very team with ELEVEN Pro Bowl selections.  Yeah, that's fair.  Whatever.  No prejudice here.  Everybody looooves the Cowboys.  We also all love Notre Dame, the Yankees, and whoever the hell else ESPN tells us to.

There are a couple positions that stand out to me that Dallas needs.  Ken Hamlin is a free agent, so they need to sign his ass or look for a replacement in this draft.  Personally I would sign Hamlin and give Roy Williams the boot.  Regardless of how you view him, Mr. I Married Kelly from Destiny's Child or Mr. I Cover About As Well As Thongs or Mr. My Only Move Is The Horse Collar, he's not very good.  Seriously.  But whatever, that won't happen.  They'll let Hamlin make the big bucks elsewhere, keep Roy around, and they'll shop for a safety.

Anthony Henry, though a big body who has decent cover skills, is not your best answer at corner opposite Terence Newman.  And believe me, Jacques Reeves ain't either.  So corner is an area of concern as well.

On the flip side, even though you'll have Terry Glenn back next year opposite T.O., you need to incorporate some young blood at receiver.  Crayton and Hurd are decent in times of need, but do you really feel relaxed leaning on them?

And let's not forget that Dallas' first three running backs in the rotation are ALL free agents next year.  It's obvious you sign the manchild Marion Barber.  It's obvious you let Julius Jones go.  What you do with Tyson Thompson doesn't really matter, although he's a decent option on special teams.  So the 'Boys need to take a long look at running back, too.

SO what is it?  FS, CB, WR, or RB?  You can make do with CB, WR, and RB.  But if you don't franchise Hamlin (which will piss him off) or sign him (he'll be asking for a lot after making the Pro Bowl), then you'll be left with Roy Williams and Pat Watkins, a youngster from FSU.  So I'm going to go on a limb here and say the 'Boys opt to go with Reggie Smith, CB Oklahoma.

Sign and place him where you need him, as he's capable of playing both CB and FS, and he can also give a boost to punt or kick returns.

Unofficially, I'm going with Mike Hart. I think Dallas would be stupid good with Barber and Hart pounding the rock, two guys you can count on to get 4 yards per carry, who don't make mistakes and play a disciplined style of football.  If one goes down, the other will pick up the slack, no sweat.

Not to mention, once you give the defense that two-headed threat at tailback, watch them stack the line and let Romo toss easy touchdowns to Terrell and Terry.  Sounds too easy.

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL (via CLE) - Reggie Smith, CB (Oklahoma)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)
28. DAL - Mike Hart, RB (Michigan)

Packers now on the clock for El Matteo.

2008 Mock Draft - #28 Jacksonville Jaguars

By guest writer El Matteo:

First things first, Joker, Pittsburgh can't take Felix Jones.  Houston already took him.
(Editor's note---Well I'll be damned.  He stays on both teams, regardless.)

Next, let's get the chick component out of the way and give you something to look at instead of reading my pick that probably won't be right.

The #1 Jacksonville babe, wife of QB Coach, and the man who tried to run Bama football into the ground, the one and only Shari Shula!  As far as coaches wives go, she's not bad.  I think she was a Buccaneer cheerleader (or Mons Venus dancer) when Mike was in Tampa.  I think that's where they met.  I don't really know this, but you hear rumors and she certainly sports the stripper-made-good look.  See for yourself:

Then you get the Jacksonville Shaguar Cheerleaders.  Click and enjoy 

None of them jump off the page at you.  I was clicking on the individual shots and clicked on Jennifer.  Then I noticed she was 37 years old.  Damn girl.  Time to give it up.  The next thing I noticed is that they have some young girls.  Fair number of 18 and 19 year olds.  That can't bode well for the players, to be tempted by young, influential girls, star struck and completely ripe for the picking.  Give me Emily C. and Joker Erin and we'll call it an evening.
(Editor's note---I've taught you well, young padawan.  Rachel would also suffice.) 

Now to the team.

I am thoroughly impressed by the Jags.  They're a good team and they could very easily wind up in the Super Bowl.  Garrard has played well since taking over the starting job.  Of course, that is a lot easier when you have a good running game behind you.  He won't be the best QB in the playoffs, but he'll be far from the worst. If Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson can be QB Super Bowl Champions, then so can Garrard.  He's twice the athlete either of those bozos were.

Jax is built for playoff football, i.e. they can run it with Taylor and J-D and they can stop the run.  Stroud and Henderson are beasts and you just aren't going up the middle on those two. That certainly will present problems should they play NE and the Jags always play the Colts tough.  This could be a team that picks last come the draft.

Alas, this isn't a playoff chances blog, it's about the draft.  So, where does Jax look to improve?

I'm not even going to look up the stats.   My Lions take a lot of flack for drafting WR's in the first round, but at least Roy Williams is a stud and Calvin Johnson appears to be headed in that direction.  Jacksonville, on the other hand, hasn't faired that well and avoids the criticism.  Matt Jones and Reggie Williams have never quite panned out as their first round draft status would merit.  WR is a definite need for Jax.  They also have some no-name LB's, so I'm thinking they go either WR or LB here.

A quick glance at the available candidates reveals:

WRs-Mario Manningham, Earl Bennett, and our boy, DJ Hall (Really????).  (Joker, I know he's your boy, but Walter of WalterFootball.com has DJ going in the first round?  Hard for me to agree with that.)
(Editor's note---Something tells me Wally cares not what you think.  Secondly, you don't give DJ enough credit.  He's broken all of Bama's receiving records with John Parker as his quarterback.  That should say enough.)

LBs:  Vince Hall (VT), Keith Rivers (USC), Shawn Crable (Mich), Ray Maualuga (USC), Geno Hayes (FSU).

It appears to me that LB presents more value at this point.  There isn't much to separate the WRs and one may be just as good as another in the NFL.  Plus, there will always be a couple of combine freaks who really climb the draft charts.

After considering the options, if he comes out, I say ignore the character issues and go with Geno Hayes.  The kid is a beast.  He's probably single-handedly responsible for FSU's win over Bama (he and JPW, but that's for another day).  He's also the freakin' Truth in NCAA '08, and you know what, that means a whole lot.  But, he's a junior and may not come out, so I'll pass with the knowledge that if he is there, I'd draft him. 

Since I don't know if he'll be in the draft, I'm going with Keith Rivers, LB, USC.

Rivers is another kid who has great all-around talent, but has slid in this draft.  He's is rated as a Top 10 pick in some drafts.  I'll agree with Joker's thoughts RE: Pete Carroll and USC prepare players for the NFL, so when in doubt, trust in their system.  Not all USCers are Pro Bowlers, but there haven't been many busts, either.  The kid just has too much talent and would be a steal for Jax at this point in the draft.

Unofficially, Keith Rivers, LB, USC.  No need to outsmart myself and try to come up with something else here. Rivers could be a starter for the next 10 years.  Take the closest thing to a sure thing and be happy. 

Back to you, Joke...

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
27. JAX - Keith Rivers, OLB (USC)

Editor's note---Sweet, I get Green Bay next.  Actually, wanna know what's sad?  It's so easy to overlook the Browns, we actually did.  Wow.  Well, assuming they beat San Fran this weekend, they won't be too far from 28th, so I'll just hit up the Browns next.  Sorry Cleveland fans.  First a double Felix and now a skipped team...guess the holiday egg nog is stronger than I thought.

2008 Mock Draft - #24 Pittsburgh Steelers

Well first and foremost, the Steelers don't have cheerleaders either.  But they did have the Steelerettes in the 1960s.  One look at their page was enough for me to look elsewhere.  Pittsburgh Hooters girls has to give us something, right?  Well, take a looksee, and you'll probably agree with me---we just make 'em better down here.  I'll be nice and just leave it at that.

Good, maybe then we can talk about the draft, huuuh?  So what does Pittsburgh need, when you think of their team?  Actually, there's no need to talk about anything until the unofficial pick; let's just be smart here:

With the 26th pick, provided he falls this far (he won't), the Steelers select Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State.

If you're going to run Willie Parker into the ground or let Big Ben throw it all day, you need a big boy who has both their backs.  Clady fits the bill.

Unofficially, this one is kind of hard.  They could use a free safety, especially now that the world saw Anthony Smith run his mouth and subsequently get abused by the Patriots.  Why a second year player out of Syracuse would want to fire up possibly the best team the NFL has ever seen is beyond thought.  But unless you want to convert Reggie Smith from corner to free safety (which isn't a bad idea), I don't have a safety good enough to go in the first round anymore.  Mel or Todd or Douche McGee probably has a safety good enough, but it's not their mock draft, now is it?

So what's next, possibly a wide receiver?  Hines Ward is getting up there, Santonio Holmes will soon be your biggest threat if he's not already, and the rest are all just serviceable guys like Wilson and Washington.  It probably comes down to whether you'd want Mario Manningham or DJ Hall.

Or you could fill the void behind Parker if he ever falls to injury again, or if you just run him till he can't play anymore.  Which is kind of what they did this year.  321 carries leads the league, and he only played one game this past week before breaking his leg.  You can't keep that pace up.  Ask Larry Johnson.  So who do you look for?  A small(ish) but hardy Mike Hart, who never fumbles?  Or a blazer like Felix Jones who could also contribute on special teams?  I think I answered the question with that last line.  The Steelers should get the multi-tool Felix Jones to spell Fast Willie Parker and use him as a dangerous weapon on kick returns.  (Ha...multi-tool)  They'd get a ton of value from him at the 26th pick, and he's got plenty of game time in him as he was spared heavy loads while splitting time with Darren McFadden.  Seems like a can't miss here.  The boy can fly, too.

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)
26. PIT - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)

Jacksonville now on the clock for El Matteo.

2008 Mock Draft - #25 New York Giants

By guest writer El Matteo:

Hey, Joker, thanks a lot, man.  I inspire a cheerleader component, then you drop the Charger chicks on us and then I get the Giants.  A quick Google search reveals...the Giants don't have cheerleaders.  So, I improvised and came up with the biggest Giant cheerleader there is:

Upon further review, I discovered that they tried to start up a cheerleading squad, but then this picture circulated around try-outs and they all ran away scared: 

Also, you were a tad harsh on those poor San Diegans.  They did look a hell of a lot better when you clicked on their swimsuit photos.  Granted, I'm sure they are airbrushed to no end, but there's no need to give the crazy hoes more of a complex.  Since I know they read this site, I think you need to be a bit more responsible in what you post.  A sudden outbreak of bulimia in San Diego isn't the goal you had in mind when you started this site, now is it?  Also, Marlina is hot.  She looks like a prime candidate to be one of Joker's Jezebels.

(Note to editor:  How can you talk about San Diego and not make ONE SINGLE Anchorman joke?  Weak, man.  Weak.)
(Editor---um, cuz I didn't want to?  Watch your mouth, boy, or I'll send you back to the orphanage.)

(Note to Charger girls reading this:  If you need any comforting after Joker's harsh words, I am here for you.  I think you are all beautiful in your own special way.)

Now, onto the football...

The New York Giants are just good enough to always make the playoffs in the NFC.  They are also never going to win it all, whether that be because of Coughlin or Eli or Tiki or whatever other reasons pop up under the omnipresent NYC media scrutiny. 

They're a lot like the Seahawks.  They have talent and on a good day, they really can beat anyone, especially in the NFC.  More often than not, though, a "good day" depends completely on Eli Manning.  He's not his brother.  I think we've all accepted that.  He's also better than half the other starters in this league, so they probably aren't quite ready to throw in the towel, either.   For another season or two, try to continue to surround him with talent and see what happens.

The Vitals:  15th Total O (21st passing, 4th rushing), 6th Total D (8th passing, 11th rushing)

Brandon Jacobs, when healthy, was a decent replacement for Tiki, but can he stay healthy?  Thus far, the answer appears to be "no".   The WRs aren't bad.  Plaxico had a good year and he wasn't ever healthy.  Toomer ain't young.  Shockey, when healthy (which he isn't, a lot), is still as good as any other TE in the league.  So, offensively, they don't appear to need a lot of help, but some young legs would help.  It would also help if Eli could find some consistency.  Tell Peyton to pass up one commercial opportunity and come teach little bro what he needs to know.

Defensively, they're actually pretty darn good.  The biggest problem I see here is the fact that Strahan probably won't be back next year.  He almost wasn't back this year.  He also was voted Team Captain when he wasn't even around, so that tells you he is the heart and soul of this defense (and team).  If he leaves, I'd expect a significant drop in defensive production.  The problem here is that at this point of the first round, you aren't going to replace Strahan immediately.  Perhaps free agency is the best bet and maybe you pick up a youngun later in the draft.

So, the Giants have several options, as I see them:

1.  Try to find another RB.
2.  Try to upgrade on O to give Eli another weapon.
3.  Try to replace Strahan.

My options that I have targeted for the Giants:

1.  Mike Hart, RB, Michigan-Talented and used to the cold weather and the scrutiny of big time football.
2.  Early Doucet-WR, LSU-Big play type guy who would give Eli another target.
3.  Quentin Groves, DE/LB, AU-Not a true DE, but he is a great pass rusher.  If he can transition to full-time LB, he could be a great addition.

I think Mike Hart would be a great pick, but there are actually still a handful of good RB's left on the board.  Groves would also be a great addition, but at this point, when Eli has to be your main concern, you have to give him every opportunity to succeed.  Give him as many weapons as possible.  If he fails then, you are set up for immediate success for whoever gets the chance to replace him.

With the 25th pick, the G-Men select Early Doucet, WR, LSU.

Unofficially:

What would I do if I were the Giants?  First of all, I'd start a cheerleading squad.  With all those people in NYC, I know you can find 40 hot chicks.  Hell, Buffalo has good looking cheerleaders!  God bless the Jills.  The only city allowed to not have cheerleaders is Detroit.  Shame on you, NYC.

The next thing I would do is convince Strahan to stay one more year.  Put him on the selection committee for the cheerleaders.  He's single now.  This will help. 

Then, I'd give Eli a stern talkin' to.  Tell him it's now or never b/c the weapons around him aren't getting any younger or healthier.  Plus, the Cowboys are really the only team they have to pass and Wade Phillips being Wade Phillips is going to start showing itself next year.  And TO hasn't had a blow-up yet.  You know it is coming.  And Jessica Simpson will continue to sink her horse teeth into Romo.  Get my point?  HUGE window of opportunity opening up for you, but it won't stay open long.

I'd also keep an eye on Steve Slaton.  BUT DON'T DRAFT HIM TO BE A 20-25 CARRY BACK!  Learn from the Reggie Bush situation.

Then, I'd probably go ahead and stick with Doucet.  Slaton will be there a little bit later, if he even comes out.

Back to you and happy cheerleadering, Joker...

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)
25. NYG - Early Doucet, WR (LSU)

(Editor's note---next time I ask for cheerleaders, and you give me two pictures of Eli Manning, I will send you back upstairs to the attic where you will receive neither food nor water until your punishment has been served out.  And no, you can't have the Neverending Story book.  Steelers now on the clizock.)

2008 Mock Draft - #27 San Diego Chargers

If statistics were used to describe a team, then the Chargers would be straight up average.  They're about as middle-of-the-road as it gets, in almost every category.  Who the hell wants to be average?  As far as I can tell, only ugly people strive to be average, and if your will is strong enough, you can battle through life regardless.  See Sarah Jessica Parker.  Not the Alabama quarterback, the celebrity that looks like a foot.

So where does San Diego start?  You can't just say "oops", fire Norv Turner and re-hire Marty Schottenheimer.  Well, I guess you could, but rich guy egos don't work that way.  Besides, so far ol' Norv has righted the ship (aka given the ball to LT more each week...DUH), and they're currently rolling a 9-5 division-clinching record into the playoffs.  Plus maybe Turner won't break down in the playoffs like Marty was known for.  So we'll leave personnel issues out of this draft---for now.

Ah, I just remembered!  Let me find a San Diego cheerleaders picture before I go on.  Ok, follow this link and we'll play "Joker discusses women" for a second.  All the following assumptions are based on that one page and are probably 99.4% accurate:

Alicia---not bad, actually.  I ain't afeared of a little chocolate in my life.  good start for this squad.
Ashley M---pretty, but it looks like something is in her nose.  and you can just "tell" she's the bitch on this squad.  i used to go for that type, but i am now well-traveled and can now spot and remove a lady Satan with ease.
Ashlie W---let's just start with the name, shall we?  Oh how cute, your mother chose to spell the name Ashlie differently so you'd stand out.  Well, you do stand out, Ash.  Because you look like Blondie...at her current age.
Ashley W---come on.  We all know she's the fun one.  Probably doesn't shut up, either.
Carly---ahhh, we're getting closer.  I'm always a fan of the girl-next-door.  She probably knows how to properly throw the football and could explain what cover 2 is.  If so, she's my choice without looking at the others.
Constance---first you see a pretty asian girl, then you see humongoid boobage.  This is the girl that's simply out of your league unless you're rollin' in the 'Cedes.
Gail---the resident whore.  clear as day.
Heather---the used-to-be fat girl who just wants to fit in.  Face doesn't help.
Jill Ann---looks like a Vietnamese girl.  after the bombs went off.
Kamri---fitting name, as she looks like a Toyota Camry just got hit head on and the airbags popped out.
Katrina---aww, the sweet black girl.  You have to have an edge around guys or they'll walk all over you, Katrina.  Thank me later.
Kaylin---the nose knows, as I always say.  And apparently the nose knows if you pay for big enough hooters, maybe you'll get a date.  Maybe.
Kiirsta---she's the dramatic one.  There's trouble behind that smile, and she'll break all your shit if you cheat on her.
Kimberly---it's a dude.
Kylette---don't trust women who can't look at you with both eyes.
Lauren---ah, the rural girl from outside the big city.  She still smokes and boozes it up just to relate with the guys.  Just like high school.
Lindsay---yeah, throw those puppies out there, girl.  We know what you want.  She's the elder stateswoman of the group, and she shows the girls how to woo the guys.
Lizzy---used to work the pole in small town Illinois.  Has two kids and is just doing this for better money than back home.
Marisa---now this girl you don't mess with.  She's like the Omarosa bitch on the Apprentice, except less Terrell Owens and more Beyonce.  Smart women who forcefully use their gender against men = STAY AWAY.
Marlina---she's a poor man's Larissa Meek.  Larissa was one of the Average Joe chicks, and she's got BEAUTIFUL legs.  Whew.  Dirty thoughts.
Michelle---she's the sweet, bubbly blonde that's friends-with-benefits with a lot of guys cuz she just ain't pretty enough.
Natalie---Natalie is the village idiot.  Even in this picture she's like what?!
Rebecca---Looks tall, lanky, and her jaw probably hits the table when she eats.
Robin---she's like your sister's friend who gave you your first handjob when you were in eighth grade.  Just too horny for her own good.
Shantel---welp, we found our player.  Not enticing enough for us crackers (don't get me wrong, I'd lay root), but she runs things with the brothers.  Probably has a nice ass, which will get them in even more trouble.
Shelby---looks like the chick on the airplane in Fletch Lives.  The one with the nose job who talks funny and is just a straight dumbass.
Summer---only made the squad cuz she knows someone.
Stacie---the epitome of a blonde who does everything she can to get ahead in life and still looks like...that.

So where does that leave us?  Ah yes, I'll take Carly and the rest of ye varmints can fend for your own.  I just clicked on their individual pictures, which makes them all look way better than they should be, so my default page judgments hold even more water now.

Dude...football?  *in my best British accent*  Oh riiight, rightrightright, yes here we are now...

Being an Alabama boy, we pull for our own, so we all wish the best for Philip Rivers.  One week he looks the part and the next he implodes.  It might help if you gave him more options than "downfield to Gates" or "dumpoff to LT".  Vincent Jackson is ehhh, it's not an ideal fit for Chris Chambers, and everyone else is headed for journeyman status.  So personally, I would go with wide receiver help, even though they could grab a guy and place him anywhere on defense.  But I just realized, like in all drafts, one guy will hit a pitfall and plummet way under his value.  So officially, and I doubt he drops this far but anything can happen, the Chargers select Dan Connor, LB Penn State.

Every teams needs that "guy" who you know you can count on in the middle of the field.  Urlacher, Thomas, Ryans, Willis...you just need a good MLB.  Throwing Connor in with the mean nasties like Castillo, Merriman, and Phillips will induce more fear in the AFC West...as if those other teams could compete anyway.

Unofficially, the Chargers select Limas Sweed, WR Texas. Sweed's a big, strong playmaker out of Texas who would give Rivers another option in the red zone and a huge target as a possession receiver, standing 6'5 and 218 lbs.  He comes from a great program under Mack Brown, has won a championship, and will most likely suceed at the next level.  Missed half the season after wrist surgery, so he may drop to the second round if he can't bring it at the combine/Pro Day.

Joker Report Official Mock Draft

1. MIA - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. STL - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
3. NYJ - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
4. N.E. (via S.F.) - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Andre Woodson, QB (Kentucky)
11. PHI - James Laurinaitis, MLB (Ohio State)
12. CAR - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
13. WAS - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
14. N.O. - Mike Jenkins, CB (USF)
15. HOU - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
16. T.B. (via DEN) - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
19. BUF - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
20. TEN - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
21. MIN - Antoine Cason, CB (Arizona)
22. DEN (via T.B.) - Nic Harris, S (Oklahoma)
23. SEA - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
24. S.D. - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)

Joker's (and slightly El Matteo's) Unofficial Mock Draft

1. NYJ - Glenn Dorsey, DT (LSU)
2. HOU - Darren McFadden, RB (Arkansas)
3. MIA - Jake Long, OT (Michigan)
4. N.E. - Chris Long, DE (Virginia)
5. ATL - Brian Brohm, QB (Louisville)
6. OAK - Sedrick Ellis, DT (USC)
7. BAL - Matt Ryan, QB (Boston College)
8. K.C. - Malcolm Jenkins, CB (Ohio State)
9. CIN - Vernon Gholston, DE (Ohio State)
10. CHI - Kenny Phillips, S (Miami)
11. PHI - Jonathan Stewart, RB (Oregon)
12. CAR - DeSean Jackson, WR (California)
13. WAS - James Laurinaitis, ILB (Ohio State)
14. N.O. - Ali Highsmith, OLB (LSU)
15. HOU - Felix Jones, RB (Arkansas)
16. DEN - Kentwan Balmer, DT (North Carolina)
17. DET - Jeff Otah, OT (Pittsburgh)
18. ARI - Calais Campbell, DE (Miami)
19. BUF - Malcolm Kelly, WR (Oklahoma)
20. TEN - Dan Connor, ILB (Penn State)
21. MIN - Derrick Harvey, DE (Florida)
22. T.B. - Sam Baker, OT (USC)
23. SEA - Ryan Clady, OT (Boise State)
24. S.D. - Limas Sweed, WR (Texas)

Next up, New York Giants.  Interesting...El Matteo, I want a full recourse on the Giants cheerleading squad and don't disappoint.  Oh, and I guess we still care about who they draft.