The Joker Report

Rounds 3-7 Recap

A little Jesus to get the day started...

ROUND 3 NOTABLES

64 - DET - Kevin Smith.  Not bad.  Remains to be seen how he'll do at the next level.

68 - ATL - Chevis Jackson.  One of my favorite corners.  Dude slipped to the third round?  I just don't get the draft this year.

73 - KC - Jamaal Charles.  A track-speed running back that came from a quality Texas program and did better as he got older?  And can learn under Larry Johnson?  Homerun.

75 - SF - Reggie Smith.  Good athlete, just remember to put him at safety or you'll regret it.

78 - NE - Shawn Crable.  The rich get richer.

81 - ARI - Early Doucet.  Some say he's better than Dwayne Bowe.  Does this mean Anquan Bolden is possibly on his way out?

86 - BAL - Tom Zbikowski.  A bigger, slower version of Don Beebe/Steve Tasker on special teams.

89. HOU - Steve Slaton.  I don't care what the critics say, this guy is better than the last kajillion backs you've tried out.

95. NYG - Mario Manningham.  Yet again, the Super Bowl champs rack up on another big name whose stock fell for probably no GD reason at all.

ROUND 4 NOTABLES

101. STL - Justin King.  Here's the thing.  Justin's coverage = shit.  Justin's athletic ability = elite.  Certain NFL teams can develop a player into his potential.  The Rams, however, have never been synonymous with "great DBs".

118. HOU - Xavier Adibi.  Sick complement to Demeco Ryans and a personal favorite of mine after Ali Highsmith.  Who, for some unbeknownst reason, DID NOT GET DRAFTED.

120. CHI - Craig Steltz.  Hey lookie, the one team who signed Adam Archuleta signed another white boy that can't play DB in the NFL.  The same team that didn't bother drafting a quarterback, either.  Brilliance.

129. NE - Jonathan Wilhite.  I'm stumped with this decision, absolutely miffed.  As I told reader AuJClayton about his favorite DB, the only thing I can see positive out of this is that in the Patriots' scheme, you can practically plug anyone in there at DB and they'll succeed.  Maybe Wilhite's athleticism can be used to their advantage, cuz God knows his coverage and plays on the ball have me shaking my head.

131. PHI - Jack Ikegwuonu. Here the Eagles picked twice the talent at corner as the Pats did above.

ROUND 5 NOTABLES

137. MIN - John David Booty.  IF Tartarsauce Jackson can't get it done this year in Minny, JD "USC has lots of" Booty will be worked into the starting rotation by 2009.  Either way, doesn't hurt to have the Incrediback Peterson opening up the defense for you.

156. PIT - Dennis Dixon.  The Steelers have always enjoyed the "utility" position on the football field, using Hines Ward and Antwan Randle El in various trickery.  The latest guy will be Dixon.

162. NYJ - Erik Ainge.  I'm tempted to claim Ainge might give Matt Ryan a run for his money as best QB in this draft.  He's away from the hideous orange, so I can say with a little bit of comfort now.  Excellent choice to slowly help the Pennington/Clemens train wreck.

165. NYG - Jonathan Goff.  Have the Giants done anything wrong yet?

ROUND 6 NOTABLES

175. TB - Geno Hayes.  I'm still having a hard time understanding how a 6'1 226 pound LB who can FLY fell so far.  Good school, good coaching, good college career, etc.  Good get, Tampa.

197. NE - Bo Ruud.  Yet again, the rich get richer.

198. NYG - Andre Woodson.  I don't know how or why he fell this far.  I'm not a quarterback scout, but I'll tell you this---I was glad Alabama didn't play Kentucky last year.  We'll see if the talent that elicits that silent fear can be groomed under the staff of the latest SB champs.

202. IND - Mike Hart.  Quality guy to a quality program.  This guy will flourish in that system, BET.

ROUND 7 NOTABLES

209. GB - Matt Flynn.  Sigh.  Whatever.

Meh, there are some other names but nobody worth talking about at this point.  A very surprising draft.  I still believe there are people signing in free agency that will ridiculously outplay some who were drafted.  All the Bama players and Ali Highsmith, to name a few.  I'll try to update notable free agent signings over the next few days.

Till then, Bama fans, hang in there.  Just keep thinking Julio, Burton, Tyler, Star, Mark I, Mark B, etc., until you feel better.

Bama's Awesome Draft

But first, a little quote from the ESPN crew in round 6 or 7:

"We have had a player taken from Wheaton and Mt. Union college, but we have not had a player taken from Alabama." ---Trey Wingo, NFL Draft

So that makes you feel fuzzy inside, right?  And as the draft came to a close, we didn't even get a Mr. Irrelevant like Ramzee Robinson got last year.  Nada, zilch, zip.  Last time this happened was in 1970.  19-fucking-70.  You know, the year after the FIRST Woodstock.  When your parents were still bangin' each other.  When pubic hair was cool.  When gas was cheap.  When...okay, you get it.

Kinda makes you wonder just how incredibly inferior we were in regards to talent with Mikey Shula still around.  I mean...it boggles the mind.

But today, 4/28/08, as of whenever the hell in the morning I'm writing this:

Wallace Gilberry signed with the Giants, who basically raped everyone in the draft except Kansas City.

Simeon Castille signed with the Bengals.

Justin Britt also signed with the Bengals.

Matt Caddell signed with the Rams.

DJ Hall signed with nobody.  It makes you wonder.  Is it because he was suspended for the Senior Day game?  Is it because of a bum shoulder?  Is it because of the rumors he, um, "dabbles" in the drug community?  If I were an NFL team, and I saw what this kid did a) in the SEC and b) with JPW throwing him the ball, then I'd have inked him in the third round.

More on the actual draft this afternoon.  And somebody please get Coach a new belt.

***UPDATE***

DJ Hall to Giants

More Draft Day musings

#33 - STL - Donnie Avery - First WR taken in the entire draft.  What.  The.  Fuck.

#35 - KC - Brandon Flowers - BEST CORNERBACK IN THE DRAFT.

#48 and #51 - WAS - Fred Davis and Malcolm Kelly - Add these two to Devin Thomas at pick #34?  Talk about making your quarterback happy.  Kelly was my pick for best WR in the draft.

#7 and #53 - JAX - Derrick Harvey and Quentin Groves - Way to overcompensate for Harvey's hype and draft the same type of player right after him.

#56 - GB - Brian Brohm - Really?  Brohm slipped this far?  To a team where Favre might come back, Rodgers has never been given a chance, AND you go on to take Flynn at #209?  Wtf?

#31 and #63 - NYG - Kenny Phillips and Terell Thomas - Pairing them up with Corey Webster, Sammy Knight, and my favorite corner from last year, Aaron Ross.  Sickness.  I'd move Thomas to safety as I ween Knight into retirement.  But that's just me, and that makes sense, but WHATEVER.

So far Kansas City and the New York Giants have drafted the best in my opinion.  More to come whenever I don't feel so lazy.

2008 NFL Draft Round 1 Discussion

Okay, a couple things first.  I commend Mel Kiper Jr, Todd McShay, and Mike Mayock, among others, because researching for these two days is a full time job.  And it comes with a lot of doubting, negativity, bickering, and LOTS of wrong choices.  That being said, I'm a little perturbed with a few picks in this first round.  I'll get to them as I name them off.

1. MIA - Jake Long - Good choice.  Draft rule, take OT first.  If you like Beck, protect him.  Parcells understands this.

2. STL - Chris Long - Quite surprised the Rams would actually pull the trigger on Chris.  Not because he isn't worthy, but because St. Louis usually mucks things up.  Secured a motor off the end for 10+ years.

3. ATL - Matt Ryan - Consensus #1 QB.  Best move the Falcons could have made.

4. OAK - Darren McFadden - 1/8/08 Joker Report:  "Looks like I'll have to update my first round mock.  Starting with Al Davis going after Run DMC, by God.  I feel it in my BONES!!  That old geezer is whispering pig sooooey!! in his sleep as I type this..."

5. K.C. - Glenn Dorsey - Traded up later in this round to address OT for Brodie Croyle to allow them to get arguably the best player in the draft.  Dorsey would have helped any team he went to.

6. NYJ - Vernon Gholston - Looks like a monster, tests like a beast.  Question is, will he amount to more than just "the DE who beat Jake Long a couple times"...

7. N.E. ---> N.O. - Sedrick Ellis - Tried to wait for Dorsey, but settled for moving up to take Ellis.

8. BAL ---> JAX - Derrick Harvey - Another "will he meet the hype" DE in this class.  Played lights out in a big game, but will he stay consistent?

9. CIN - Keith Rivers - Great pick for the Bengals.  Get a quality LB from a quality program like USC who can play wherever you place him, inside or out.

10. N.O. ---> N. E. - Jerod Mayo - I knew the Pats would surprise, but I guessed Mike Jenkins.  Mayo is a legit 'backer from the SEC who throws more youth and talent on an aging defense.

11. BUF - Leodis McKelvin - I'll be honest, don't know shit about the guy.  Corner from Troy who got hype as soon as the mocks started flowing.  We'll see if he can play with the big boys.  Personally I had many corners rated higher.

12. DEN - Ryan Clady - Possibly the most predictable, especially considering the Broncos could watch him all season being in-state.

13. CAR - Jonathan Stewart - The first "wow, so it's like that" of the draft, with many assuming Stewart would fall to Houston.

14. CHI - Chris Williams - Boring, but needed.  The future of Grossman and Benson hang in the balance.

15. DET ---> K.C. - Brandon Albert - Brodie Croyle and all Alabama fans thank you.  Add another OL and maybe you'll see Brodie's talent over the next few years.

16. ARI - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie - One of the unheralded DBs who truly deserves his off-season hype.  Dude is legit.  And maybe if the Cardinals listened to me from the start, Antrel Rolle would be playing SAFETY THIS ENTIRE TIME.  God why do some people get paid so much for ineptitude.

17. K.C. ---> DET - Gosder Cherilus - El Matteo's reaction was "blah".  Pretty much mine as well.  Hard to go wrong with a top-flight lineman, though.  Especially when Kitna got sacked more than a gay man's teabagging party.

18. HOU ---> BAL - Joe Flacco - Hell, they needed somebody.  Big arm from the small school.  Something tells me Billick would have never agreed to this.

19. PHI ---> CAR - Jeff Otah - Blah.

20. TB - Aqib Talib - Jon Gruden loved Charles Woodson.  Talib is this year's version of Woodson.  He'll never reach a mile within Wood's greatness, but an athlete on both sides of the ball caught Gruden's eye, and he'll likely flourish in the cover 2.

21. WAS ---> ATL - Sam Baker - Can play OT or G, which is insurance for the new face of ATL - dog LOVER, Matt Ryan.

22. DAL - Felix Jones - Another no-brainer.  I think Jones is going to explode on the league after playing second fiddle down in Fayetteville.

23. PIT - Rashard Mendenhall - Outstanding value at this pick.  Couple that with fast Willie Parker and you have a sick rushing attack.

24. TEN - Chris Johnson - Great pick, Jeff Fisher.  You chose the fastest RB in the draft.  Didn't you do that last year with Chris Henry?  This isn't a track meet, it's the NFL.  Straight line speed ain't gonna help shit if you can't get past the trenches.

25. SEA ---> DAL - Mike Jenkins - SOLID pick.  Funny how a rookie will have to cover a veteran's ass.  *ahem* Roy Williams.

26. HOU - Duane Brown - Yawn.

27. S.D. - Antoine Cason - Adding this to Antonio Cromartie?  Wow. Joker Report analysis: It's clear Mr. Cason is one of the top corners in the nation.  I especially like his size at 6'1" and a big 185, and his intelligence is clear in the film room and on the fly on the field.  His quickness and speed are excellent, and he seems comfortable at any position in the secondary, as he lined up in many areas.  Excellent and effective blitzer with a knack for forcing turnovers.  Was not tested very much in man coverage situations.  A willing and sure tackler in run support.  Needs to work on shoring up his stance, backpedal technique, and shedding blocks in open field.  Excellent game, as he's out there working with minimal safety help.  All-around skills at corner makes him a first round playmaker.

28. DAL ---> SEA - Lawrence Jackson - Surprise move here, but the 'Hawks have always been fond of a good DE.

29. S.F. - Kentwan Balmer - Everybody needs a good DT.  Balmer came on strong from UNC towards the end of the season.

30. G.B. ---> NYJ - Dustin Keller - If you want to move up for a tight end that can't even block, you may as well be the J-E-T-S.

31. NYG - Kenny Phillips - Are you kidding me?  With all the safety needs in the NFL, you allow the best one in the draft to fall to the last pick in the first round?  To the Super Bowl champions?  And just because he isn't Ed Reed, all the other teams/scouts/know-it-alls in the world dropped his value?  TONS of teams missed the value KP will bring to their team.  I can't wait to revisit this draft three years from now.  Fucking idiots.

I'm debating on posting the second round.  I'm pissed KC took Brandon Flowers DIRECTLY before Green Bay, but I'm equally happy knowing my favorite corner in this draft is now a teammate of my favorite Bama quarterback.  Herm and the Chiefs had a great first day.

Ah fuggit, I'll post again tomorrow after the draft.  Loooot of big names and great players left to be drafted tomorrow.

Well La Dee FREAKIN DA!

So over the 2 1/2 mock drafts the Joker Report compiled when college football slowed to a halt, we failed to even get the first damn pick correct in any of them.  But it's a solid pick, and I suppose that's because the Big (Dolphin-safe) Tuna is making the decisions now.  Jake Long has SIGNED with the Miami Dolphins.

Okay, so I'm batting .000, I'm 0-1 at the stripe, what have you.  Everybody else probably is, too.  And they've gone through the trouble of updating their drafts over the last couple of months, whereas I have worked in the real world, made some money, and "hitherto" spent said money by bowling scores like 219 between my legs.  Cuz that's how I roll, literally.  I may have gotten laid in there somewhere, too.  Possibly.

Ahhh, it's good to be back writing again.  Tune in to the draft this weekend, kids.  I'll have a writeup or two, complete with strong opinions and possibly a flavor word or twenty.