Joker's Way-Too-Early 2009 Crimson Tide Depth Chart - QB/RB/WR

Wow Joker, who's that girl?  No idea, broseph.  I googled "hot chick", and her picture was first.  Sooo go do your own research.

Hello again, my friends.  Today, July 8^th 2009, I will attempt to assign September 5^th 2009’s starting lineup for the Alabama Crimson Tide.  But before I even start, let us all think about how difficult trying something like this is with such a fluid situation…I’m not going to be 100% correct, but you all owe me $20 if I actually do get it correct.  Man, how cool would that be?  I’d get like…60 bucks!

Quarterback – Greg McElroy.

I think I got this.  This guy will surprise not only our opposition and their idiot fans, but some of our idiot fans as well.  I like all the arguments against him, with no starts, little experience, a “weak” OL to throw behind, ad freakin’ nauseum.  But there is one advantage Greg has over John Parker Wilson---he can actually throw the ball.  Seriously.  No, seriously, I saw him.

Backups – Gotta go with Star Jackson as the next in line, but only for his mobility, which isn’t Vick-like whatsoever anyway.  But once A.J. McCarron comes to town, he’ll be pushing for #2 asap.  Tall, skinny, and red---just like Brodie Croyle---and just how I like my QBs.  Thomas Darrah, BOL’s prodigal son, will remain on the bench with an arm waiting just in case we lose 3 QBs to another textbook scandal.

Running Back – Quick, what’s cool about having ties in the state of Michigan?  Mark Ingram, that's what.  Now, before I explain, keep in mind this is Lord Saban’s castle.  And he likes his knights as a tandem force.  Don’t know why I just went medieval on you, but it happens (especially when I drink), so stay with me here.  As good as we all know Mark is, he’s just one aspect, just one type of ball carrier Coach can use against opposing teams.  Punisher up the middle with a good burst.  That’s good enough to be the starter against Virginia Tech.

Backups – Probably my favorite offensive player, Roy Upchurch, will hopefully be completely healed from whatever back/neck injury he had last year.  Something about “needing time to let the bones heal”; that’s all I frickin heard last year.  I hope #5 can return to the form I know he’s capable of, and throw down.  Great out of the backfield, great speed, good blocker, and if he keeps his head straight, nothing but good things will happen.

Hooooweverrrrr.  There’s a guy coming in…um, highly touted…remember that guy?  Yeah, Trent Richardson.  Sculpted from granite, faster than a speeding locomotive, runs sand dunes for fun…you know, the old school Greek Olympian type.  Don’t for a second believe he can’t make an immediate impact as a freshman.  By midseason he could be the starter.  He’s that good.  Kinda makes you wonder where Terry Grant is going to fit in.  Well, in my personal opinion, Terry Grant is not a football player, he’s a track star.  If he has enough room to get up to 75% speed, his cleats become roller skates, and he can’t cut to save his life.  Weak ankles, doesn’t squat low enough, doesn’t have the agility, breaks few tackles…whatever the case, I don’t see him having a big impact other than trick plays in space or for Saban to throw him in as another decent non-fumbler to let the starters breathe.

Man, we’re still not finished at tailback.  We have some depth with Ivan Matchett , Jermaine Preyear, and Demetrius Goode;  and to move the chains and play “fullback” in Saban’s system will be Jeramie Griffin and Baron Huber, two big guys who just deserve to get the ball once in a while.  It’s kinda fun watching big Jeramie rumble through four guys.

What about two more incoming freshmen Eddie Lacy and Mike Marrow?  Well Marrow is 6’2, 240, you tell me.  As for Lacy, he’ll be more young depth unless he shows out in practice.  Saban will let freshmen play if they’re good enough, as we’ve seen, so I’m not moving him to the pine until I see for myself.

Wide Receiver – Other teams’ fans know the answer to this.  And that answer is Julio Jones.  Freakbeast.  Beastfreak.   Julio is the guy who told Wayne and Garth to headbang during the fast part of Bohemian Rhapsody.  Julio is the guy who pushed that grape-stomping news reporter over so we could all laugh at her gut-wrenching pain.  Julio is the guy who dunked on Lebron James first---THEN told Jordan Crawford how to do it.  Julio taught Andre 3000 the meaning of “ice cold”.  Michael Jackson didn’t take too many pain pills---he was confronted by Julio, and immediately went into cardiac arrest, as he knew he was not the best entertainer on earth anymore.  Yeah.

Yeah.

So the big question (well, one of ‘em) this offseason is who will be Julio’s counterpart?  Will it be Earl Alexander?  No.  Will Earl make plays in practice and force us all to believe he’ll be the clear cut #2?  Yes.  But it’s my belief that Mike McCoy will shake off his former demons always in his ear (D.J. Hall and Keith Brown), and realize that maybe that rich guy coaching him, with ties to the NFL, is a safer bet than two young brothers who like to toke.  To quote the Youngbloodz track, “Hey wuh wuh wuh…wut dat malt licka do to ya?”

I think the obvious choice at slot is Marquis Maze, the Santana Moss-like guy who just needs more experience and confidence.  Out of the rest of the veterans, Darius Hanks is due for a spectacular catch once every few games, and Brandon Gibson will do whatever it is he does.  As you can clearly see, behind Julio is a vast expanse of damn near nothingness.

Enter Michael Bowman.  He’s like Freakbeast Jr.  On July 4^th he arrived in T-town for school and to take part in summer workouts.  As if his 6’5, 220 lb frame hasn’t been working out already.  Are you shitting me here?  So Julio is at LEAST 6’4, 210, and Bowman himself said he’s 6’5, 220?  Ha ha.  Yeah, good luck guarding that.  With the um…how should I say it…”weakening” veteran talent, Bowman has a good shot at getting into the starting lineup against VT, especially since he’s already at school.  Let’s just hope he holds a grudge against all the attention his older brother Adarius is getting at Okie State, and wants to make his own name.

Abee abee abee that’s not all folks.  According to bamaonline.com, Kendall Kelly is a “strong possibility for a grayshirt”, which leaves Kevin Norwood and Kenny Bell to also showcase what they have.  And you better not blink when you try to cover KB, that’s all I’m saying.  Coach Saban is getting some burners in his classes, something we haven’t seen in a long, long time.

In case it hasn’t dawned on you, we finally have OPTIONS.  We finally have DEPTH.  QUALITY depth in the form of young, athletic kids who all know they can earn something special if they work for it.  That’s some serious shit right there.  Marinate on that for a minute.  Well, for a day or two until I post my depth chart for the big boys, the TEs and OL.  Stay tuned.