I also blame my lack of success on the absence of my nemesis. Still no word from AUJ. Without a foil pushing me to be my best, I may not be able to achieve greatness. There's no shit to my shinola. No ridiculous hype and delusion to my Auburn. No hot chicks to my Joker Report. No stink to my sweaty balls. Scooby Dooby AUJ, where are you?
Before I get to my redemption picks, here is what's on my mind today:
-Does any red-blooded American male out there (besides me) think that Ben Roethlisberger is getting a raw deal? I mean, we all know the ladies are throwing themselves at him. He goes into some small town in Georgia and some redneck, small town chick gets all excited and tries to meet him and Big Ben is a bad guy for trying to do what 95% of every male in America would have done? I mean, there weren't even any charges pressed. Why is that? Because the girl got drunk and was all over Big Ben and he got ready to give her what she was looking for. That may sound crude, but come on? ESPN pisses me off by trying to portray Ben as some monster, out of control, who has to rebuild his life. Rebuild his life? Two rings and millions of dollars? I wish my life sucked that bad. It's also disingenuous to act like Ben (a single guy) shouldn't be out chasing tail and trying to nail everything within reach. That's what rich, single guys do. Why does ESPN ignore all of the pro athletes who are doing a Tiger Woods and nailing tons of tail on the side, when they are married with kids? Tiger was married. That's why he's a douchebag. Big Ben? He's just living the dream. He shouldn't be singled out for treating a ho like 7-Up.
On the flip side, maybe he is a douche. If he wasn't a douche and was just doing his thing, he would still be captain of the Steelers. Bros protect bros and that locker room wouldn't care how he was treating the ladies. Apparently, Big Ben was being a douche to his boys. That's unacceptable. Shit on the hoochie mamas and road whores all you want, Ben, but you gotta show your boys the love...in a non-gay way, of course.
-Am I the only one who thinks the SEC kind of sucks? Teams are coasting on recruiting, facilities, and name brand of the SEC. The coaching in the SEC sucks right now. I can't remember which one, but somebody in the B'ham News wrote an article about the SEC coaches. If you were an AD and had a wide open check book, which SEC coach would you hire? Obviously, your first phone call is to Saban. You could easily get 10 years of domination out of him. Of course, the Alabama nation would take up arms and invade your state, but he is still your first phone call.
Who is #2? I think everyone would say Urban, but like Joker alluded to, Urban has lost his God damned mind. Dude is a total fruitcake. You see that ESPN Gameday bullshit? People, that was a FLUFF PIECE and he still came out sounding like a fruit. That being said, he's still got to be the second choice because the rest almost flat out suck.
Who is #3? If you say Mark Richt, you're a pussy just like him. He is soft and his teams are consistently the most penalized in the SEC. UGA should be a powerhouse. That state is LOADED with talent and it borders Florida. Richt sucks because he won early when the SEC was in flux and now he's a pussy. You can print that. Wait, I just did.
#4? Personally, if you could get any loyalty from him, I'd take Petrino, but Arkansas is kind of a dead end. Hard to recruit there, even though they have money out the wazoo. Petrino only needs to be paired with a high-profile, bad ass defensive coordinator and he will win at a big school, ala LSU or Texas.
After that, I'd take Dan Mullen. I just like the guy. As time passes, he may prove to have been the genius behind Urban at Utah and Florida. Urban ain't done it without Mullen-Tebow. Mullen is also in the worst job in the SEC and he actually has some buzz generated. Don't underrate how shitty Starkville is.
Under no circumstances would I hire Robbie Caldwell (gone in two years, tops), Steve Spurrier (over the hill) or Les Miles (God damned moron). So, that leaves a jumbled up mess up Chizik (blah and boring), Houston Nutt (Jacksonville State tattooed on that ass for eternity), Joker Phillips (Our Joker's favorite, but a complete unknown) or Derek Dooley (remains to be seen).
So, my point is the coaches in this league suck. They are winning in spite of themselves based solely on the fact that they are at SEC schools and have enough money to throw at recruiting. Do you have any doubt, given what he has already done, that Joker's man crush, Chris Petersen, wouldn't come in and do very, very well in the SEC? He could come in and immediately assume the #3 spot and after a year, might be able to pass Urban.
I love the SEC, but I am underwhelmed by what I see. A lot of money thrown around at a lot of mediocre to shitty coaches. Get with the program, non-Bama and Florida SEC teams. Don't be afraid to cut the cord and go out and hire a winner.
Thanks for letting me rant. Redemption picks are forthcoming, but here
is my redemption pic. Here's a new chick for the board (I think).
She's from Australia. I want to go to Australia.
Now for my redemption picks...(Season record 1-4, -12 units):
5 Sophies Auburn -1.5 @ Mississipi State: (Yes, that is how it's spelled.) As much as I would enjoy Can't Newton shitting himself in his national television debut, I just don't see it happening. As many laptop jokes as people want to make, the guy still has the pedigree and he still has the coach (Malzahn, not Chizik) and he has enough weapons around him. He is going to be successful. The way to stop Newton is to be bigger and faster and there just aren't enough teams that are going to have that ability. Teams like Alabama shouldn't have any trouble with him, even an LSU (in spite of Les), but MSU doesn't have that yet. Although, they do have an underrated D, so I could see this getting interesting. In the end, I'm hedging my bets and loading up on AU. If I lose it, it will be 5 Sophies well spent.
4 Sophies BYU +1 @ Air Force: BYU handles U-Dub and Jake Locker, but they are going to turn around and lose to Air Force? I don't think so. You don't get all up in arms and plan to go Independent unless you like where your program is and where it is headed.
4 Sophies Oregon -12 @ Tennessee: UT is going to be not good this year. Oregon is NOT Tennessee-Martin. I hate to pick against the conference and I am all for Dooley, but I just think reality is going to set in early for UT and that starts this weekend.
4 Sophies LSU -10 @ Vanderbilt: Yes, Les is a moron, but this is still Vanderbilt. They lost to Northwestern. They aren't going to win many games this year and no matter who is coaching LSU, they still have talent in bunches.
3 Sophies: Nebraska -28 vs. Idaho: I don't think Nebraska is ready for primetime yet, but that Martinez/Guittierez/Lopez whatever guy at QB looked really, really good last week. Idaho ain't ready for that jelly. Plus, Piutuli or however the hell you spell it ain't there anymore.
There ya have it, kids. Use this info as you wish (props to Westley). AUJ, the challenge is still at your feet. You can even jump in now, while I'm under .500. In the meantime, shine up those cowbells!