For being “ass backward(s)” with my picks, I am not particularly upset (nor am I happy mind you) with my middle of the pack performance last week. 2-3 and down 3 units is pretty weak but, as the Joker pointed out in reference to the close calls, I did lose 5 units on the Nebraska pick (which was the only pick for which I was praised…go figure). Ahh, but, alas, it is another week with new opportunities. So let’s get to it…shall we?
Kelly Kapowski gave it a good effort, but, as the day transpired, she performed more like Kelly in the College Years rather than the way she used to back at “the Max.” Shall I refresh your recollection…?
Nevertheless, it is time to bring in some relief, but, before I do that, let’s take a look at my one and only BOLD prediction to see how that is working out thus far:
My Bold Prediction: Auburn will not be a very good football team.
Verdict: GUILTY. Guys, come on! Don’t get mad and say things like “I am furthering the stereotype” or that “I can’t take it when mud is slung back in my general direction.” (Paraphrasing of course)
1) What stereotype? I am stating an opinion and will continue to state my opinion since that is what I thought the point was with this whole internet blog thing. I just had an Auburn guy in court mention the dreaded La. Monroe game after I said, “Nice onside kick!” What I didn’t say back to him was that I am actually more disappointed that Bama lost to Auburn last year after having such a lead than I ever was about a subpar team with little talent and no depth losing to a team that outplayed them for four quarters. The difference between me and whoever the stereotypical guys to whom you are referring is that both events happened. Teams lose games. My point is that Auburn will just lose more than they win this year. There. I said it (again).
(Editor's Note - I haven't laughed this hard at any other guest writer's picture. Kudos. ~J)
2) I can take the mudslinging. It’s all good. Sling away because that is the point of writing on blogs, reading blogs, and commenting on blogs. I left myself open to mudslinging by writing my opinions. If you want to be mad at someone, get mad at the Joker for letting me fill the internet with such bologna, because, as we all know, “He doesn’t stand for bologna.”
In the spirit of the Donnellys, Weird Science, the 80’s, the bodacious music you are listening to (courtesy of Oingo Boingo), and because I don’t want to take the time to come up with anyone more clever, I shall choose Kelly LeBrock as my muse of the week. Why? She’s a “mind scrambler” and I will leave it at that (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go back and watch the movie).
I give you Kelly LeBrock…
Every guy between the ages of 25 and 50 is sitting there like my man, AMH…
Enough for the trip down memory lane, on with the picks:
4 Lisas WISCONSIN -21 Oregon State: I will break it down like this…Oregon State lost at home to Sac State last week (yes, SAC State…fine Sacramento State). They obviously are not the Beavers we all used to love. Last week, I sat there thinking…”Beavers got beat by Sac.” We all know that rarely happens, but, it did. Wisconsin is a big, brutal team with a new QB that looked REALLY good last week. Plus, they are playing at home…against the team that lost to SAC STATE. Three touchdowns should be no issue.
1 Lisa TENNESSEE -6.5 Cincy: Florida looked good last week and I wanted to pick them, but I kept thinking that, with a 21.5 line, UAB could play well and only lose by 21 and UF has no reason to run up the score. Therefore, because of that, I decided to throw ONE whole unit at this game. Why? First, let it be known that Tennessee and the color orange are right up there with my distaste for the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. However, I like Dooley and think he has the Vols going in the right direction (as much as that disturbs me). They are not there yet, but I think Cincinnati is in for a rough year and a rough day in the unfriendly confines of Neyland Stadium. The way I look at it, if UT wins by 7, SCORE, but, if UT loses, I lose one unit but I hear Rocky Top waaaaaaaaay less. Either way, we’re good. If UT wins by 6 or less….ugh, nevermind.
5 Lisas Stanford -21 DUKE: I hate to do this to my Blue Devils, but they lost to Richmond last week and I honestly didn’t think the Spiders had a football team. Stanford is not as good as they are ranked but they should have just enough Luck (see what I did there?) to beat the Blue Devils in Durham (in front of what I predict will be a pretty Stanford-friendly crowd) by at least 21. This one could get ugly if Mr. Luck wants to take them behind the woodshed.
Take a breath, for this short KELLY LEBROCK BREAK…
Don’t get all jealous, Hilly…
Ok…back to the picks…
3 Lisas Houston -22 NORTH TEXAS: I guess I am just glad to see that North Texas has a place to play home games. Houston has a helluva QB who took UCLA to school last week and, seeing as North Texas lost to FIU at home by 25 last week, I am pretty sure that the Cougars will take care of business. That’s all I have to say about that.
…and the one you knew was coming…
3 Lisas Cow U West -6.5 COW U EAST: Both teams played pretty subpar teams last week but found very differing results. Oh yeah, I am talking about Mississippi Stat and Auburn. The Bulldogs beat the piss out of Memphis and looked pretty impressive in the process. The War Tiggers won (granted) but, if anyone thinks they out played the Aggies of Utah State, they are in a kayak in da Nile. Either way, Auburn always seems to get lucky (or whatever you all want to call it) but the Bulldogs are looking good, have a good running game, and, as always, a stingy defense. Mississippi State, in my opinion, outplayed them last year but the offense and Cam Newton (of course) came to the rescue and pulled one out in Starkville. You can call me a stereotypical Bama fan or whatever you like, but Auburn has a defense that is worse than last year (which I didn’t think was possible), an offense that can’t hold a candle to last year, and no Cam Newton. Barrett Trotter will have to win them the game with his arm, and, while he is not awful, I do not think he is capable of that (just yet). I see MSU being well prepared for the onside kick and they should be, because we will most likely see at least one in this one.
Best of luck to all this week! I am looking forward to watching as the games get increasingly more interesting…
As you were,