Props to 2AUdacious - who's been oddly quiet this season, wonder why - for pushing this Yelawolf guy on me. The Roll Tide or whatever song was cool, but I'm really starting to dig on this kid; it's as if he's Tommy Lee's rapper son from the South. This one in particular piqued my interest once I heard The Police's Don't Stand So Close to Me sample slowly make an appearance. Damn this is gonna sound good in my truck. Er, my box Ford?
This time around I want to focus on things in the game nobody really thinks about; not necessarily the intangibles, but moreso the kind of stuff that makes your heart sink while you're watching the game. Stuff that truly affects the outcome of the game, but will only be mentioned once it happens. Of what does my old ass speak? Well, to name a few:
Terrible calls from the zebras, perhaps? We're in SEC country. Every team in the SEC is used to getting dicked by the refs and there is nothing we can do about it. Who benefits from the unexplainably bad calls this time?
How about all the challengeable calls Saban inconceivably dismisses? Time and time again, whether it means a first down or a touchdown, I have noticed Nick sometimes doesn't even bother challenging spots/marks/calls that may have gone our way. I don't know if he's the type to always be thinking "we would have gotten those inches had we done better the first three downs" or not, but damn - the rule is there for your benefit! Use it!
And what of the calls that can't be overturned by rule? The whole "well, once the whistle blows, the play is over" shit when Player A's knee never touched the ground? Stay tuned, horseshit like that happens in games like this.
How about the replay booth officials? There are guys up there whose job is SPECIFICALLY to watch all the different GD camera angles we all see at home, in high definition just like us, and make the proper call. And sometimes they STILL manage to fuck things up.
Fights/ejections. As Bama fans, we think our players have a pretty high threshold for shit-talking. But this game is gonna be off the charts, pulsing with adrenaline, surrounded by crazy ass cajuns. What happens if Mathieu jacks Dre in the head again? What happens if T-Bob Hebert hauls off and pops Dont'a, and he retaliates, but the refs only see Dont'a?
What about paid-off/point-shaving players? If you dismiss this, let me quote the biggest pimp the cinema's ever seen - "Who's being naive now, Kay?" Michael MF Corleone.
Injuries - it's gonna be one team or both. Superdome, fast turf, aggression and excitement buzzing throughout the air. Somebody will be breaking ankles and popping ACLs - who's it going to be, and how elite/important will the player(s) be?
Star emergence. We tend to think we already know both teams and who can do what. Don't think for a second a quiet guy like Nick Gentry won't be a game-changer right before your very eyes. Is that a prediction, Joker? Maybe...
Health now vs Health then. Both teams are as full strength as can be decided in a season. That means completely different matchups for certain positions compared to the last game, and sometimes completely new players.
Veteran leadership in big games. Often overlooked in games like this, guys who have been there before, know how to act, and know how to relay to their teammates when and how to get up or cool out...that's invaluable.
And last but not least...the efficiency of special teams. We tend to only think in absolutes - offense and defense - but if my September article didn't warn us enough...
Currently it sounds like Cody Mandell kicks more like Barbara Mandrell, and Jay Williams more like Jay Leno. You may think I'm harping on insignificance, but you just wait until we start shanking punts all over creation, giving huge opportunities for the LSUs of the world to snatch momentum and skull fuck us into another loss we could have EASILY prevented. Do you remember the helplessness you felt when Stephen Garcia threw up jump balls to any and everyone - and they all caught it, no matter how bad of a throw it was? Think of multiple teams doing that directly after we shank a punt. That's just how the college game is - she's a cruel mistress who likes flicking the head of your penis, laughing; and you have maybe a 3% shot of her doing anything YOU really want her to do.
...then November 5, 2011 should have put a giant target on what to focus on. We all know it by now, but it bears repeating: our kicking game sucks more dong than Brazzers.com. This means addressing our problems with field goals of 40 yards or more, punting for 40 yards or more, and inexplicably - compared to the start of the season - kickoff and punt coverage. So basically what I'm saying is LSU, at least before the game starts, has an astronomical advantage in all aspects of special teams - a full 1/3 of the formula for success. Has Saban been working on fundamentals and staying in lanes and sticking to individual assignments and trusting each other and yada yada? Of course he has. Have the players listened? We'll find out Monday night.
So what do I think will happen? Like I said in the last article, the team that wins will do so by double digits. If Bama wins, 31-10. If LSU wins, 24-12. Do I think Alabama wins? Of course I do, I'm an Alabama fan, I think we beat their ass. But I thought we'd do that the first time...
Monday we'll see one of the most dominating teams to play in recent memory, LSU, face one of the best defenses ever assembled in terms of size, speed, and stats. The coaching and talent is already present; whoever comes out with disciplined aggression and the undeniable will to win will be crowned the victors. Joker, enough with the bullshit, what's gonna happen? I'll let Edgar Allan Poe take it:
And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.
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