The Joker Report

Happy Valentines Day, Dicknoses!

You've asked for more material, and you'll get it!  When I come up with something, I'll be sure to post it in the next couple of years.  Seriously, this down time is KILLING ME.

Soon enough we'll have the NFL combine and various university pro days, so hang in there guys (and gals).  Until then, look for El Matteo and me to finish off the last 10 or so selections in the third mock draft...whenever our unmotivated, non-football-watching asses get around to it.

For the record, if you're thinking did i just waste all my money on chocolate and flowers on this bitch?, then yes, yes you did.

2008 Super Yawn (Updated---the Not Bad Bowl)

This game is so boring, I thought I'd youtube it in the second half.  Here are a few good ones:

This is why you should always schedule an Ole Miss road game in your fall plans (hotty toddy indeed):

And I really wish Big Al was more like the Duck. This clip is AWESOME:

So anyway, the game's not over yet. I had four beers before the game, and I should have had a million more just to get me through without wanting to slit my wrists. I can handle low-scoring games, but nobody is really doing shit out there. Hand the ball to the Bradshaw kid, pull a wide receiver reverse pass, SOMEthing. Other than the Pro Bowl, this is the last game of the year and quite possibly the most boring. I'm going to assume the 4th quarter they'll come alive. More after the game.

***UPDATE***Okay, the 4th quarter was actually some good ass football.  I was CERTAIN that Eli Manning was going to phuck it up, but he went to his go-to guy and boom goes the dynamite.  I started thinking the Giants might pull this one off once I saw the camera pan to Bruschi and Seau hugging each other and saying "time to finish" or whatever the hell cocky rich athletes say.  It just reminded me of old soccer games when nobody gave you a chance, and the opposition just thought their shit didn't stink, and lo and behold, my teammates and I whooped up on them and then went home with their mothers.  That's basically what the Giants did, ending the Patriots' dream season and giving them that all-important stain on their shirt---kinda like that commercial, which made me giggle like a school girl.

Okay, that's enough football for me.  Guess I better brush up on my fantasy baseball skills; after all, I'm going for the four-peat.  Any readers want in?  I know PGrizzle does...

All American Football League?

Say whaaaat?  I checked my sources, and indeed there is a new semi-pro league out there now for those who can't get into the NFL.  I'm assuming it was created after the European NFL league closed shop.  They even had their draft yesterday?!

Okay, let me give you a couple facts first, before I unload some crazy ass rumors spreading like wildfire:

• There are only 6 teams in this initial year---Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Michigan, Tennessee, and Texas
• Some of the games will be played on campuses of the universities, some on independent venues
• The games will be held in spring and early summer
• The CEO is Marcus Katz, a big shot student loan guy---no word yet if he shakes 24/7 like his uncle, Dr. Katz
• Cedric Dempsey, former NCAA President, is Chairman of the Board; in other words, this league is legit, and not another XFL (sorry El Matteo)
• Probably most important of this whole shabang---you can't play in this league until you have completed your college eligibility and your four-year degree.  In other words, all those thuggish ruggish bastards who thought they were the shizz and left early/never graduated, only to not be playing anymore, might have a change of heart and seek their college degree now, so they can play in this league.  Wow...there's something refreshing about that.

The schedule for the Alabama team is as follows:

ALABAMA
	4/19/08		TEXAS
	4/26/08		at Michigan
	5/03/08		at Arkansas
	5/10/08		TENNESSEE
	5/17/08		at Texas
	5/24/08		FLORIDA
	5/31/08		at Tennessee
	6/07/08		ARKANSAS
	6/14/08		MICHIGAN
	6/21/08		at Florida
	6/28/08		First Round of Playoffs
	7/3/08 or 7/5/08		Championship Game

Alabama's coach is Mike Jones (what?  Mike Jones!  What?  Mike Jones!), who won the World Bowl in 2006 with Frankfurt.  Well yippee skippy.  Who did we draft?  Some notable names:

P Kody Bliss (Auburn)
DB Gerald Dixon (Alabama)
DB Jeffrey Dukes (Alabama - watch out for him)
TE Terry Jones Jr. (Alabama)
WR Freddie Milons (Alabama)
DB Reggie Myles (Alabama)
OHHHHHHHHHH SHIT.  IT'S ON NOW:  Saleem Rasheed, Joker's Favorite Bama Player, LB
RB Tre Smith (Auburn)
LB Karibi Dede (Auburn)
DB Marcus Spencer (Alabama - God I miss these players)

I'm automatically interested now that I know Rasheed is here (drafted 90th overall??  What the hell is wrong with you people?!).  It's funny how this flew under the radar for so many people, when this league has SO many fan favorites and forgotten players we cheered for.  I'll post more notable names (and rumors) later today.  And I couldn't find a good picture of Saleem on the net, so I made my own, motha truckas!!

*****UPDATE****

Alabama's two quarterback are Brian Balazik from Southern Miss and Kevin Eakin from Fordham.  Reeeeally.  Arkansas has LSU's Marcus Randall and ex-hog Clint Stoerner.  Florida has Chris Leak.  Tennessee has Woodrow Dantzler and Tee Martin.  Texas has Eric Crouch (loved him) and Kliff Kingsbury.  Ugh, are we behind from the start already??

Anyway, the rumors that are out of control on rivals.com is that Chris Long , James Laurinaitis, and Malcolm Jenkins all plan to go to the AAFL instead of the NFL.  This would blow my mind if any of the three were to do so.  Although there is slight credence to the rumors, considering JL and MJ are coming back for their senior years when they could be top 15 picks in the NFL draft in April.  We shall see.

As for the other big names other than the Alabama squad and QBs I mentioned, here are a few:

Albert Means - Arkansas (not gonna touch this one)
Peter Warrick - Florida (one of my boys---I AM P-Dub in backyard football)
Willie Jackson - Florida
Travis McGriff - Florida
Ryan Moore - Florida (this Florida thing is getting a little crazy)
Chris Doering - Florida
Fred Weary - Florida
Chris Chukwuma - Arkansas
Jeremy Lesueur - Michigan
Antonio Perkins - Arkansas
Garrett Rivas - Michigan
Rod Smart - Tennessee (yes, it's He Hate Me)

Upcoming articles

While perusing the argument between guest writer El Matteo and reader Hall, I had an epiphany.  Is that how you spell that?  I'm too lazy to look it up, so that's how it shall remain.  Anyway, I am completely re-doing my mock draft; only this time, it's different.

Ya see, those who know me will understand this.  Those who don't, let me explain.  See, this is my site.  I ALLOW El Matteo and Hall to fight like little bitches in my comment sections.  I talk shit about cheerleaders if I feel like it.  I post pretty girls because they're nicer to look at than footballs and helmets and...and...Craig Steltz.

So now I'm going to do my thing once again for the new mock draft.  El Matteo and I will switch posts, and every day we'll have a player selected by the respective NFL team, and at no point whatsoever will we waste time talking about him.  We will instead talk about whatever the hell we feel like.  Cuz Joker's about freedom, by God, and for the slow months leading up to the draft (I'll include pro day and combine articles) we'll have something to talk about while still contributing to football and keeping...well, some readers happy.

So tomorrow I shall begin anew with the Miami Dolphins.  I'm thinking my topic of choice might be the 80s classic Coming to America, although that is subject to change depending on what happens to me tomorrow.  Stay tuned, my good friends---who knows, maybe this will lead to an entirely new blog.

Random Tidbits

So I just finished Vanilla Sky.  Yeah so I'm 6 1/2 years late to the party, but better late than never.  It was a pretty good movie...but I daresay I wouldn't have made it through the whole thing without "Sophia", played by the lovely Penelope Cruz.  I gotta hand it to her, she made a 2+ hour Tom Xenophobe Cruise movie watchable, just by being hot, Spanish, and just too damn lovable.

As for football, it's all slowed down to a damn halt, basically.  And good thing, too, considering I'm starting up a new business, which consumes all my daylight and evening hours.  Proven by the fact that I just now got around to my site at, what is it...1:29am.  Wow.

So the random stuff I'm hearing is:

• A bunch of guys are going pro that shouldn't.  Flash a little money and it's hard to deny.  It's also hard for me to criticize a 20/21 year old for accepting millions of dollars when he and his family are straight broke.  Although let's say, in the case of Justin King, had he chosen to come back for the '08 season, he could prove himself and make triple the money by going first round in next year's draft instead of second or third this year.  But hey, they can't all be old and wise like myself.  I do wish them luck.
• Ryan Mallett when seeing Chad Henne go down - "Swish".  Ryan Mallett on still seeing time even when Henne was healthy - "Killer".  Ryan Mallett on hearing the news that Coach Carr was resigning - "Uh oh."  Ryan Mallett after seeing Rich Rodriguez sign on as head coach of the Wolverines - "Goddammit."  After realizing that he's not a good fit in RR's option attack, and after punching a few kittens in the face, Ryan called his papa and cried until they found a new home.  Not sure if it's official or not, but rumor has it he has transferred or is in the process of transferring to Booby Petrino and his Arkansas hogs.  Guess the SEC will never again be predictable like the late 80s and early 90s.  Ah well, makes for good stories and even better football.
• Latest rumor---ex-Cowboys head coach Dave Campo will be the new defensive coordinator for the 2004 People's Champions, yyyyyyouuuuur Auburn Tigers!!!  (and now, standing 6 foot 6, from Noooorth Carolinaaaaa....)  Is this an upgrade?  It certainly doesn't hurt recruiting by bringing in NFL head coaching experience.  We shall see if Tony Franklin and Dave Campo turn into the usual suspects; you know, financing Tommy T's billion-square-foot house and not getting credit for it until job vacancies open up.
• Random thought---Virginia Tech better have some depth at CB or some young skill coming in, cuz Brandon Flowers and Macho Harris are off to greener pastures. ***UPDATE*** Harris has since withdrawn his name from the NFL Draft.
• That's all I can think of for now.  If any readers out there would like a second round mock draft, do tell.  Although warning to "Hall"---El Matteo might be back on board again.  Just pretend like I wrote it so you can actually enjoy it :)  Til then, my friends.

Gump for Heisman

Gump4Heisman.com has had some great articles over this last season, and he even gave us quality magazine covers like this.

But his latest article might be the funniest thing I've read online--ever--and I'm not kidding.  Now, it may be that I have a weird sense of humor, or that the whole LSU/OSU corollary is what makes it funny, or that some people down South still actually talk like that, but I laughed my phucking ass off.  I even managed to involuntarily spit some ice from my drink at my computer screen.

So without further ado, I give you a COMMENTARY: On LSU's whuppin' of silver-pantsed Yankees.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

LSU - 2008 BCS National Champions

Well, I gotta admit I let my feelings for a certain coach get the best of me in my prediction.  The bad news is, I have to now give Les Miles props for having "something", cuz he just won the National Championship game.  I'm an honorable man, so Coach Miles, I will no longer make fun of you.  I can't.  You have deemed yourself worthy of your accolades, and I will do my damndest not to give the credit to your coordinators, nor to your (Saban's) players.  Congratulations to the LSU Tigers.

The good news is I can still talk trash to anyone outside the SEC conference, I can resume disliking Ohio State with my ties to the Wolverines, and because of this game, more recruits will think about staying and/or moving to the South to compete with the best, which increases our chances of more playmakers, considering Coach Saban is a relentless recruiter.

Ohio State is now, what, 0-9 versus SEC opponents in bowl games?  That's just downright pathetic.  But whatever, let's talk about the game.

First off, Chris "Beanie" Wells's 65 yard touchdown run.  That was nice, caught LSU by surprise.  And it also showed the world that maaaaybe Craig Steltz isn't the uber-safety everyone makes him out to be, considering he 1) took a horrible angle and 2) didn't have the speed to track Wells down.  Just because you have three interceptions versus Mississippi State---against a quarterback they have since benched for a freshman---doesn't mean you're the best.  Plus, I think by now you know my feelings on white DBs.  I'm not saying the guy can't play; just saying I'll be surprised if he's not serving me ice cream in five years.

Overall though, the momentum change in my opinion wasn't the blocked field goal, although that never helps.  It was Robiskie's easy touchdown catch that he dropped.  Plays like that create negativity, it carried over to the blocked field goal, and the next play Jacob Hester breaks a big run.  I knew then the Buckeyes were in trouble.  And apparently so did Charles Davis, who by the second quarter could not contain his lust for LSU, as reader PGrizzle pointed out before the game.  Good call, PG.  He 'bout nut his pants talking about what Bo Pelini was going to do to Ohio State with his various blitzes and "lockdown corners".  And he mentioned it three times in a row, so we'd all be quick to give him credit when it happened.  You know, like a phucking 8 year old.

Other things that stood out to me:

• Ohio State's zone defense was not a good idea.  Granted they've run it all year, but SEC quarterbacks like Flynn and yes, even JP Wilson can eat up the zone.  Put a little more thought into it, Buckeyes---you have Laurinaitis and Jenkins---play some friggin man coverage.
• Additionally, I saw very little gang tackling from the Buckeyes.  In a very Alabama-ish way, once they felt knocked back on their heels, they put the job of bringing them back into the game into someone else's hands.  It's like "Psh, ain't my guy.  That dude's 3 yards away, I ain't gonna tackle him."
• Again, thanks to Fox's superb football coverage, we got to see each bands' reactions a myriad of times.  I really REALLY want to know what some virgin 19 year old chick with a clarinet thinks of what's happening on the field, so big props to Fox.
• Beanie Wells's stiff arm of Chevis Jackson was absolutely sick.  It was a thing of beauty, and this coming from someone who really likes Jackson.  He may even be my second favorite corner after Brandon Flowers.
• Speaking of, I told my roommate you don't throw deep on LSU when in man coverage.  Zenon and Jackson play the deep ball like professionals.  Unfortunately, Todd Boeckman thought he'd test Jackson, and he got burned.  CJ can play---he made the pick and almost ran it back for 6.
• Anybody catch Urban Meyer secretly recruiting during this dead period by suddenly becoming a pre-game analyst?  The man's good, I gotta give it to him...
• Jamarcus Russell's interview on the sideline.  My eye was drawn to his bling, and I kept thinking to myself dude, that looks like an elephant (yes I call myself dude).  Funny thing is, it was an elephant, all "iced" out, and it happened to say "Bama Boy" on it.  Well I'll be damned.  If that's not enough allegiance after playing for LSU, Troy Smith added "he's crazy representin' Alabama".  Thanks guys :)  Where's ESPN now to put us back in our corner?

What more can be said?  The first game we watched this season was LSU dominating Mississippi State,  and the last one we see is LSU dominating Ohio State.  Maybe I should have paid more attention to OSU's strength of schedule---or lack thereof.  Respect has been earned from me now, so congratulations LSU staff, players, and fans.  Give us a couple years and we'll give you a good run.  Guess I better get one last picture in while I can...

Just for fun, a victory chain of our new National Champions.  Don't mess with Beloit.

Beloit beat
Grinnell who beat
Lawrence who beat
Knox who beat
Eureka who beat
Concordia IL who beat
Benedictine IL who beat
Greenville who beat
Concordia WI who beat
Wisconsin Lutheran who beat
Kalamazoo who beat
Bluffton who beat
Defiance who beat
Anderson who beat
Taylor who beat
William Penn who beat
Trinity Int'l who beat
Valparaiso who beat
Jacksonville FL who beat
Morehead St who beat
Dayton who beat
Fordham who beat
Colgate who beat
Towson who beat
Richmond who beat
Wofford who beat
Appalachian St who beat
Michigan who beat
Florida who beat
Kentucky who beat
LSU.

So now what?  The Senior Bowl, the North/South game, and then I have to sit on my hands until August?  Eff that, I'll find y'all some stories.  Stay tuned, an update of my first round mock is in order and possibly a second round could come to fruition.

BCS Championship - LSU vs OSU

Had to get another Kate picture in here cuz it's been a while and I need to class up this joint after dogging cheerleaders and the infamous guest writer vs. reader spat.  Who am I kidding, this site will never be classy...if that's what you're looking for, move to San Diego.  Which of course in German means whale vagina.

So I'm watching the Rutgers/Ball State game, bored out of my mind, so i thought I'd talk about the real game on Monday.  I took Ball State in Pick Em, partly cuz I need to catch up after I lost a lot of points betting on Oklahoma and Florida, and partly because Ball State is the best University name ever.  Ha...Ball State.

Okay, so being down here in the South, you tend to pay attention to all things SEC whether you want to or not.  And for Bama fans, watching LSU this year was a surprising priority of ours for this year, considering all the hate spewn and spat on us from Tiger fans because we hired their old coach.  Yes, because we hired Nick Saban, all LSU fans hate us now.  That's corndog logic for you.  I didn't hate Texas A&M because Dennis Franchione went there; I secretly wanted them to lose every game because I hated him so much, yes, but not the actually Aggie fans and players.  Maybe the LSU faithful realize that Saban was their last true chance at a national title.  Maybe deep down they know Les Miles will finally get exposed as the moron he is on Monday.  Maybe they all wanted him to go to Michigan.  I'm not speaking for LSU fans, but I could, cuz that's what y'all should be thinking.

Apparently I gave away who I think will win already, but hey, whatevs.  After watching LSU all year, they have weaknesses where they shouldn't, and that's not what you need going into the BCS Championship.  How, if you have Glenn Dorsey, Tyson Jackson, Ali Highsmith, and Darry Beckwith, can you let Arkansas put up 385 rushing yards and 7 total TDs on you?  And how do you let Alabama and Kentucky each put up 230+ and 3 TDs in the air when you have Chevis Jackson, Jonathan Zenon, Curtis Taylor, and Craig Steltz?  All eight of the guys I mentioned will be in the NFL, so why all the wild fluctuation from great defense to no defense?

Your coach, that's who.  The dude is like the token mischievous boy in a 50's sitcom, a little rapscallion who runs his mouth and gets into trouble all the time, who pushes everybody's buttons by just being a jackass.  Kind of like Dennis the Menace, except nobody likes Les.  That, and Dennis knows how to properly wear a hat and make defensive adjustments.

But we can't lay all the blame on just one coach.  How about their defensive coordinator, Bo Pelini?  It's his damn defense, so what's he doing?  How do you mismanage 8 first day NFL prospects on the field at the same time?  You're not as good as people say you are, perhaps, maybe?  Could it be that all of Nick Saban's recruits have been making plays on the field for you in past years, and now that you slowly have to implement your own players, your true coaching "prowess" becomes exposed?  And now that Pelini has accepted the head coaching gig at Nebraska, can you explain why there have been around 13 decommitments from the Cornhuskers already?  Personally I think Bo Pelini and Jimbo Fisher should both meet up and coach together at Overrated U.  And maybe they could hire on Franchione and Bill Callahan just to make it fun.

On the flip side, we have Ohio State.  Those who know me understand I have a soft spot for Michigan (dad born in Detroit, family still there, Woodson favorite player, etc), so I tend to look at the Buckeyes with a slight angst.  But I appreciate a good team when I see one, and this is a good team.  Keep in mind they only lost one game.  They lost to Illinois, who was on a mission that week, and the trio of Juice/Mendenhall/Benn provided the spark to knock off the #1 team.  Plus you can make an argument that the Buckeyes played a cupcake schedule.  I accept that argument, but the fact is we're dealing with the two teams the BCS committee selected for this game---not necessarily the two best teams in the nation.

That said, OSU is 3rd in the nation in rush defense (LSU 13th) and 1st in passing defense (LSU 10th).  Now here is where I make my case.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with LSU's ranks---they just didn't get there consistently.  However, the Buckeyes being 1st in pass defense and 3rd against the run means consistency abounds, and that's the key when it comes to the big games.  Not to mention the experience factor---Ohio State was in the big game last year.  Got trounced, sure, but they now know what it's like to play the SEC in front of the nation.

But there is one factor that stands out to me.  OSU is far and away #1 in scoring defense with 10.7 PPG allowed, while LSU has sunk to #21 allowing 19.6 PPG.  The Buckeyes have allowed only 15 touchdowns while the Tigers have let opponents score 32 times on them.  Since I know that State has a more favorable schedule, and factor in that LSU plays in the SEC, I'll even that out a little bit...but it still tells me, when on their heels, the Tigers tend to falter.  And yes, they'll once again be Goliath to OSU's David in the championship.

So you've got my opinion.  Y'all know as well as I do that this season has proved that anything can happen, even on home-field turf---USC lost to Standford at home, Michigan lost to Appalachian State at home, Bama lost to Louisiana-Monroe at home, etc.  Hey, I'm just saying...LSU is playing in their home state, they're an overwhelming favorite among bettors (76%), and they're favored by 4 in Vegas.  I'm taking the level-headed coach and the consistent team in this one.  I'll say...OSU 34 LSU 24.

Bowl Game Recaps and Musings

Does anything I say even matter after a picture like this?  This is a still shot of Jessica Alba from Into the Blue, a movie apparently about Jessica's ass.  Cornbread and Jessica---ain't nothin' wrong with that!

We'll begin with the first SEC game, Mississippi State versus UCF and Kevin Smith, i.e. the "is he or is he not going to break the rushing record?" game.  Nobody even mentioned the Bulldogs, who happen to be playing inspired ball, who happen to buy into Sylvester Croom's beat-you-up SEC defense, and who happened to win this game, 10-3.  They also managed to keep Smith's hands off the rushing yardage record, which is whack anyway, considering Barry Sanders didn't play as many games as Smith did.  From wikipedia:

In 1988, in what has been called the greatest season in college football history,^[1] Sanders led the nation by averaging 7.6 yards per carry and over 200 yards per game, including rushing for over 300 yards in four games. He set college football season records with 2,628 yards rushing, 3,249 total yards, 234 points, 39 touchdowns, of which 37 were rushing (also a record), 5 consecutive 200 yard games, scored at least 2 touchdowns in 11 consecutive games, and 9 times he scored at least 3 touchdowns. Sanders also ran for 222 yards and 5 touchdowns in his three quarters of action in the Holiday Bowl - a game that was not included with his season statistics.^[2] Sanders won the Heisman Trophy as the season's most outstanding player.^[3] In 2008, he was ranked #2 on ESPN's Top 25 Players In College Football History list.

That, my friends, is a man among boys.  We were probably all right on the cusp of remembering Sanders in college, but not old enough to enjoy it.  Probably guest writer El Matteo's favorite all-time player, at least for his Detroit Lions.

So MSU started the SEC record on the right track, 1-0.  Next up...gulp, Alabama.

Assuming you read my previous article on the Independence Bowl, the Crimson Tide actually managed to pull out a win.  By the skin of our scared little teeth, 30-24.  The feeling of letting our competition back into every game we play haunts me in my sleep.  Fortunately for me, I felt good about our chances, and I bank-rolled $140 on that game.  What the hell was I thinking?  Who cares, that's how I roll.

So SEC starts off 2-0, not bad.  Well, maybe it is bad.  Now every announcer on the planet is going to talk/discuss/brag/boast about SEC "speed" and how it all started with Florida owning Ohio State.  Look folks, yes we have fast players, but so does everybody else.  I wouldn't call it SEC speed, I'd call it SEC pride.  We just take football more seriously down south than the next team.  If you don't believe me, read THIS.  Okay then.  Sure, it's just a game...but hell, so is life, homeslice.

On to Kentucky, who played a depleted Florida State squad because of the whole academic fraud/cheating stuff.  Who'da thunk that a reputable establishment such as Free Shoes University would ever have such a scandal!?  Anyway, as most people laid heavy confidence points on the Wildcats because 36 Seminoles were suspended, they were rewarded with a 35-28 UK win.  Andre Woodson also managed to break Tim Couch's SEC record of passing touchdowns in a season, with 40 scores.  Damn impressive, we wish you well in the pros, Wood.

Sec 3, Opponents 0.

Next up, we have the Auburn Tigers taking on the Clemson Tigers.  I must admit, I did smile a little bit when CJ Spiller turned the corner and smoked Auburn DB Jonathan Wilhite for 63 yards.  Which, might I add, is speed outside the SEC.  But I knew Auburn would squeak by with good defense in OT, 23-20, even though Brandon Cox threw his token interception when they least needed it, a la John Parker Wilson.

So, just to keep tally, the SEC is now 4-0 in bowl games.  On to Tennessee.

I hate Tennessee.  But I found myself enjoying the way Arian Foster runs the ball.  Had Coach Fatass ran him straight into our defense, our 41-17 rout of the Volunteers would have had a different outcome.  I see him becoming a 1000 yard rusher in the NFL...but I'm no running back guru, so we'll have to wait and see.  Anyway, it was hard for me to root for UT, even though they're SEC "family", not to mention out of sheer hatred I picked Wisconsin to win, but UT won as well, 21-17.

5-0.  Time for Arkansas to get blasted.

Wow.  Talk about Mizzou getting the shaft out of a BCS bowl, they proved the committee chose poorly as they took the Razorbacks over their collective knee.  Tony Temple ran for 281 friggin yards and hit paydirt 4 times while Arkansas struggled to even get one touchdown, of course made by Darren McFadden, who finished with 105 yards on the ground.  Funny thing is, stat-wise, Casey Dick outplayed Heisman candidate Chase Daniel.  That's like saying I enjoy Miller "Horsepiss" Lite---it just doesn't happen.  The Tigers ended up winning 38-7, proving that playing a team with an interim coach means you can pretty much whoop their ass.  Reggie Herring, UA's defensive coordinator, was named said interim coach, but even HE isn't staying on staff; there was probably zero focus on this game, as he's looking ahead to joining Mike Sherman at Texas A&M.  Speaking of, I think it's safe for Bama fans to begin rooting for the Aggies again, now that Captain Asshole has moved on.  God I hope he has herpes.

So 5-1 now, Arky is our first loss.  Will it stay that way?  Nope.

The Michigan/Florida battle was just that---a straight war of SEC vs. Big Ten, the Gators' Heisman-winning golden boy vs. the Maize and Blue's farewell game to Coach Carr.  Mike Hart yapped the entire game, instant karma was in attendance, and he fumbled twice---the first time in over 1000 touches, dating back to the 2004 season.  But Chad Henne and Adrian Arrington took up the slack, helping push the Wolverines to a 41-35 win.  Man, I can't help but wonder what Rich Rod is going to do with uber-recruit Sam "Federline" McGuffie in his spread offense.  A sample of his skills for those under a rock:

So now the SEC is sitting at 5-2.  Next up, Gawja Bulldogs.

Hawaii was 11-0 coming into this game, in case you had forgotten.  As I repeatedly said this season, if they ever played any real competition, I'd give them credit.  But I never did, and for good reason.  Alabama, as poorly as we've played this season, took UGA into overtime.  Right now, as it stands, Georgia is beating Hawaii 41-3 at the beginning of the 4th quarter, and Colt Brennan has been sacked 7 times.  Good LORD.  A message to June Jones and Mike Leach---your video game style of play is fun to watch, but you'll never make it to the big game until you recruit players for defense.  Dems da facts, Jack.

SEC improves to 6-2 in bowl games.  And the big one is the last one.  I'll definitely have an article on the LSU/OSU matchup, so look for it sometime this week.  Now, you may go back and look at the picture.

The NFL Pro Bowl - The Popularity Contest

From JSOnline:

In the only game Woodson didn't play this year, Harris played poorly, blowing several coverages against the Cowboys and seeming out of sync. The entire secondary, for that matter, played horribly without Woodson in the lineup, which might validate Harris' claim about his importance to the defense.

Woodson is tied for the team lead in interceptions with four, has scored a pair of defensive touchdowns and has allowed only one touchdown pass all year. At one point, he went seven straight games without allowing a completion of 20 or more yards and for the season has allowed just five.

Yeah, tell me again how the Pro Bowl isn't a popularity contest?  Adding insult to injury---though the votes are one-third players, one-third fans, and one-third coaches, and Charles Woodson was the highest selected cornerback with the fan votes, he still didn't make it?  Oooook.  I guess his being a #1 alternate is enough for now, and you're going to make up for last year's snub and this year's snub next year, huh?  I mean, you're right, these stats are terrible:

2006/2007---116 tackles, 1 sack, 21 pass deflections, 12 interceptions (equivalent to his 1999-2005 totals---7 years), 2 interceptions returned for touchdowns, 3 fumbles forced, 3 fumble recoveries, and 1 fumble recovery for a touchdown.

I guess that's not enough when oft-burned (yet still legit) teammate Al Harris garners sympathy votes and takes away from his own teammate in Woodson, and the usual allotment of fan (and apparently player and coach) favorites Marcus Trufant and Terence Newman get their votes regardless of what they do year in and year out, kind of like Champ Bailey.  I have a feeling that if Champ went missing for a year and vacationed down in the Bahamas, he'd still get the most votes from the cornerback position.

But hey, who am I to dog the Pro Bowl?  They included Romo last year even though he only played in what, 12 games at that point?  They snubbed LaDainian Tomlinson the year he became only the SECOND PERSON EVER to run and catch for 1000 yards in the same season (Roger Craig, 49ers, Tecmo Super Bowl, roo roo).  They included John Lynch last year when he had a staggering ZERO sacks, ZERO interceptions, ZERO TDs, and a whopping 5 pass deflections.  Yet they failed to elect Brian Westbrook that same year, cuz 1955 all-purpose yards and 11 TDs with McNabb going down and a having Garcia come off the bench is I guess easy cheesy in the voters eyes.  As if that's not enough evidence, Fred Taylor, again one of my favorite NFL players, didn't make it this year.  He hasn't made it ANY year.  I guess splitting time with Mo Jones-Drew and still reaching 1000+ yards doesn't count for anything, much less the 10,000+ he's accrued in his career.  And Nnamdi Asomugha, Oakland's only truly gifted DB, got the shaft this year as well.  But hey, he plays in Champ's division---good luck.

By the way, anybody notice the fact that "America's Team", the same Dallas Cowboys the media forces us to watch every Sunday or Monday, has ELEVEN players going?  Seriously, eleven?  Ok, if that's not enough evidence, then I'm actually typing this from the Playboy Grotto with mounds of silicone obstructing my view, so forgive any spelling or grammatical errors.

The Pro Bowl is a sham, it's the equivalent of a high school prom king and queen contest, and I put it up there with the historical signifigance of the BCS---it just does what it wants to cuz it can.  And sitting here complaining is like pissing in the wind.  Kinda like my life.  Somebody get me my shrink.